PART 3

FROM TOPMAN, joe proceeded to buy some expensive perfumes...and i was sprayed all over by him to sniff....haahaa...;9). after all the shopping, choobeeee suggested to try for HOKKIEN MEE at the food court above. off we went.
joe was rather sad and he was hidding his disappointment cos some of his pals promised to pick him up for some good bbq stingray at EAST COAST...but cancelled the appointment. that was why beebee and i was actually trying to cheer him up....
at the food court, the queue for the fabulous HOKKIEN MEE was damn long. i suggested the soup. it was a hot day and i was like the fountain of youth sweating like mad. i needed replenishment of minerals...so soups it should be best!
joe too needed those. he had been drinking like a wild water buffalo and so was beebee. soups it should be! i went to order 3 sets and footed the bill...
EXPENSIVE!! almost $30 for water!
we settled down and ate. joe loved the soup i ordered...and beebee loved it too. me...i was all too pleased for words when they were happy...i was even happier!....;9)
next the coast at the HOKKIEN MEE was cleared. beebee zoomed there to order. joe sipped his last drop of soup and he was behind her too.
they returned soon. beebee with the HOKKIEN MEE. joe with ORH JIAN or fried oysters omelette. one more round, we supped. wow!! really good but i told them mei ling street market served a deadlier HOKKIEN MEE. very generous helping and only $3 a plate.
next we ordered PAPUMDUM, an indian keropok. wow! nice and spicy! joe ordered and paid for the drinks...too bad no beer this time.
we chatted after all the cutleries were cleared. beebee this horny indo chiobu started hinting at joe again. "joe, would u like to come to my hotel. there is live band and maybe we can have some drinks?"
joe looked blankly at me. quite stunt by her impromptu and bold suggestion. i looked at beebee. quite stunt too.
"hello...what about me? am i tagging along, huh?" i asked in an offending tone.
"oops! sorry love...of course u come too lah!"
joe was rather dejected and quiet. he was greatly hurt and disappointed. he didn't expect his 'pals' to let him down at the last minute. if not he might be having bbq stingray with me at ALEXANDRA VILLAGE HAWKER CENTRE.
"er...thanks guy...er...no...i dun think i would be joining u guys," joe finally answered. "leaving tomorrow very early for K L...."
beebee snapped, "in that case joe, could u long pang me back to my hotel in ur cab..."...."hello, what about me again?" i chipped in.
"u come along lah...alamak!" they voiced in unison....;9)
after catching a cab, we sent beebee back to her hotel. she alighted not after kissing joe..left, right and middle....shit! bee, u never did that to me!
"hello...what about me??...where's my kisses?...i want deep one!!"
"bye bob!!....u marry me...i give u my deepest one...hahahaha..." she proceeded to the hotel. the auto door sliding opened, and that was the last we seen of her. joe was laughing hysterically. "bob, u fat arse!!....i can give u that if u really want...hahahaha!" shit to him!
next stop - ROBERTSON BLUE where joe was residing. joe wanted to pay the fare. i snatched to pay it cos stupid me was sitting infront. i should have let joe be the front seat passenger...so stupid of me!
anyway, i followed joe home. i intended to sense whatever nonsense there...the paranormal...forgetting that joe was actually waiting to sense me....OH MY GOD!!....and i didn't realise that until i was in his apartment!
er...no paranormal detected. the apartment was spacious with a view of the singapore river, the wharehouses, the colonial houses....it was a beautiful sight. i was glad i came with him to see it!
joe led me into his room. it was messy. the blanket was all over the floor. the pillows in a mess!....and it was dimly and sensually lit...
now my sweat started pouring again.....
he went into a room supposedly was his wardrobe. when he came back, he got 2 pieces of jade in his hands. he opened his palm and said, "bob, choose one...which one u like ...take!"
i was dumbfounded. momentarily stunt, i dunno what to say. just stood there admiring silently the deep greenish jade carving. beautiful!...but no! i couldn't accept such expensive and exquisite gift....(i might have to offer 'something' in return u know...even though i knew joe was just too gentleman).
i rejected accepting any of it. joe was surprised. he said, "take it bob!...it's for u...u gave me ur power buddhist beads ...i was very touched....u show ur care and sincerity to me..a total stranger.. i was here for ur body u know that dun u?...but now i respect u and i treat u as my good buddy!..."
with those words...i nearly melted...and touched into tears! "no joe. thank u very much anyway. i believe u plan to give those exquisite jades to someone else...so please give them to the someone elses u have in mind....not me," i told him. "by treating me as ur good buddy...that's already the most precious gift u can give me already...thank you!."
and shit! now his turn to be touched to tears. grasping firmly the 2 pieces of jade, he gave me his warm friendly bearhug.....well what to do?...piggy returned him with a piggy hug.....;9)
he thanked me profusely for all the time and trouble i stood by him when he was played out by his other "buddies". i told him to rest early and stop thinking about that disappointment and reminded him he got an early morning tomorrow.
after that, i left. yes, in a jiffy just in case he might get some funny horny idea. zoom i went! within minutes, i was in the bus on my way home.
this ended my ordeal with joe. a good gorgeous teetukong from beijing. got a strong feeling, this is not the last i would be seeing him.
....to be cont'd...AND NOW CHOOBEEBEE'S TURN.

PART 2...

then they continued to talk in indo bahasa..peeleepahlah.....peeleepailay....
suddenly joe turned to me. "bob, u know u told me those ghost stories...this morning i was almost scared out of my wits!." i was blurred and didn't know what he was blurting about. he continued, "there was continuous loud knocks on my door...and i rushed to open the door...BUT THERE WASN'T ANYONE THERE!!"....His voice ended with an high octave screech...."what do think...was it those...u know ...things?"
i laughed. "no lah joe, u must be having a dream...dun worry.." without a second thought, i removed my power beads and put it into his right wrist. "here joe, this buddhist beads i give u..."
"no..no...bob.. it's ur personal thing. if u wanna give, u should give me a new bead.." joe was reluctant to accept.
"joe, this buddhist beads i have been rolling it while chanting my sutras...it has absorbed all the buddhist scriptures..it's no more ur ordinary beads...it's ur POWER BEADS NOW!"...i boasted and exaggerated..haahaahaa...."u wear it ok...since u r leaving for phuket...and there were lots of innocent deaths from the dreaded tsunami...this will protect u, my friend."
joe was so touched. i almost saw a drop of tear gleaming at the corner of his eye....so he thanked me and continued to dig into his sandwich and beckoned to the waiter for another cold beer.
choobeebee this unabashed girl asked for a strawberry sorbet slurpie...and me the cheapest EVIAN water $1.50...
beebee just couldn't take her eyes off gorgeous joe...and joe was just chomping his sandwich away...once a while stealing a glance..ahem!...at piggy o' me.....;9)
they chatted with each other in indo bahasa again. next they exchanged addresses and contact numbers by exchanging their namecards.
after a few slurps of the slurpie, beebee asked to be excused cos joe kept on talking to me instead of her after finishing his bread. off she went to CENTREPOINT SHOPPING CENTRE just directly opposite where we were.
i told her she only got an hour...and get her arse back cos if not we will leave without her! i knew this girl once she shopped, she would forget about time....
the moment she was gone, joe complained to me, "bob, u fat arse!!" he was rather exasperated. "i come all the way here to meet u ....not ur gf!"
i was kinda touched when he said that and apologetically explained to him, "joe, i din expect her to turn up here so coincidentally...pls forgive me...i can't be in two places with 2 different people i like at the same time...can i?"
he burst out laughing...and patted my hand and told me he was kidding. he told me he liked her. she was sweet and really pretty like the japanese actress AYOMI...or dunno what mi...
"good lor, joe..then tackle her lah! what would be ur program after this?"
"i dunno bob, some pals of mine maybe coming to pick me...and later we will dine in EAST COAST for barbequed sting ray...yum yum...my favorite!" joe was slurping as he said that.
after a couple of stern sms-es, beebee returned. why the hell she been to...so long?
"aiyah, i went to do my hair lah...stylo or not?" came the reply. "wanna shop joe?....takashimaya is just nearby...lots of thing to see and buy..."
joe just loved my t-shirt which i just bought..and my goodness! the brand was co-incidentally called TOPMAN...and he simply loved it.
off we went to WISTMA ATRIA to locate TOPSHOP which sold this brand TOPMAN. what luck! all clothings there were on offer.
joe and i was engrossed in selecting our ts while beebee sulked neglected in one corner. she excused herself and went out to shop alone....haahaa...;9)
when i shopped, it was very snappy. within 10 minutes, i bought 2 pairs of round ts and there was a discount of 20%.
joe was still selecting. he got like more than 10 pieces and proceed to the dressing room to test out.
my handphone rang. it was joe. he asked me to head to the dressing room when he was testing. so i went.
oh my god, joe!! he stripped and was in calvin klein. "how do i look, bob?"....how should i answer. my jaws were agape and i was stunt!
but honestly, he really did look good in those TOPMAN ts. he liked them so much, he went out to grab some more. then to the counter to pay. it was like almost 20 pairs of ts totalling more than $300.
....to be cont'd

ARRIVAL OF CHOOBEEBEE, MY INDO CHIOBU

"hi bob!...it's me beebee!" an enthusiatic voice rang out of my handphone. "how are u my dear?"
"oh...that's a real surprise! when did u arrive and why din inform me earlier?"
"i m here for my medicals, love....yesterday nite i came...was tired so din call u...how's everything with u?" her voice getting more excited.
she then asked me to meet her at PARAGON cos she just done her medical at MT ELIZABETH HOSPITAL....and i was worry...WHY DID SHE NEED A MEDICAL?..SHE GOT SOME SERIOUS SICKNESS OR WHAT??
"are u ok, beebee?...what sickness u got?"
"silly dear!!...nothing wrong with me lah!..u forget i come every year this time for my whole body checkup?" ...sheesh!! what a relieve!
suppose to meet outside the GUCCI store in PARAGON...but where the hell was she?...there, descending from the escalator choobeebee - waving frantically and flashing her white toothy smile.
she hugged...i hugged her back. yes! the same bosomous warm beebee. peck! peck!....2 light kisses on each cheek....;9)....and the casual hi, how ..what etc...
then she hastily led me up the escalator again to a shop. we entered. she pointed to a funny looking bag with an even funnier name a MIU MIU...
she was hinting desperately at me to buy it...and how much was it?.....$1,600. oh my god!! and my sweat started niagra falling down my head....;9(
NO!...NO!...NO! was my firm and stern reply. she pouted. i dragged her out of the shop and asked her what would she like to eat.
DING TAI FONG....oh shit!! i was thinking of the cheaper version of xiao long bao at ZI YEAN...but no! she wanted that...ok lor! we descended to the basement, entered the taiwanese eatery and placed our order.
wow! she was really in a good mood and supped so many things...xiao long bao, fried rice, pork chop, garlic spinach, shui jiao soup....finally i got to stop her further order...THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH....THANK YOU!
we chatted about the usual things..how's her business ..and how's mind...HER, she opened up another 3 storey spas...MINE: i m retired...and no income, pai seh....
next came the bill, i looked at her. she looked at me....shit! means i got to pay...ok lor! and the bill was almost $60...;9(.
just then, my handphone rang...OH NO!! joe,the beijing teetukong called. "hi, bob! care to join me at the open cafeteria at orchard shopping centre?"....now the droplets of sweats turned to rivers...haahaha...;9)
choobeebee looked me. she was puzzled. yes, it was a terribly hot day...but not that hot that i was sweating like a fountain! "what's wrong dear?" she finally asked.
"oh...nothing...yesterday a pal from beijing dropped in to see me...er..u wanna meet up with him?"
"yes! why not...is he handsome??" she exuded her eagerness again.
my sweats was really like the hwang ho river now!...."er yes..er..but u know hor...u calm urself....when u meet him..can?" i stammered. she was blurred at my words. "well...er...he's a gay...and we were msn-ing for quite sometime and out of the blue he just pops in to see me!"
"oh is it?...haahahaahaa!...my god! u mean u r attractive to those too...haahaahaa!!" she was hilarious and grasping her tiny little waist as she laugh hysterically. "oh my god!...this i got to see man!!....and can i tackle him if i like him?" she just had to tease....;9(
soon we reached there. joe who was sitting alone at the opened air cafeteria with as usual his bottle of TIGER.
"hi, joe!....meet my indo gf, bee bee." i introduced.
joe gave a shocked dejected look. he stood up and shook beebee's hand. we sat down and soon joe's sandwich came..."u guys want any lunch?" he asked. we told him we just had ours...and we chatted. and joe wasn't happy. his jovial smile was no where in sight.
then beebee began talking to him in bahasa indonesian. joe suddenly lighten up and replied her in the same language. and me, luckily i knew some malay and understood what she was talking to him.
she told him i was her bf...and he told her...i was also his bf...OH MY GOD!!....;9(...and the river hwang ho started to pour!.....
...to be cont'd

2ND WHAMMIE - ARRIVAL OF CHOOBEEBEE, MY INDO CHIOBU

looks like funeral wake soon for poor o' piggy me.....

2ND WHAMMIE - ARRIVAL OF CHOOBEEBEE, MY INDO CHIOBU
Sent :
Tuesday, August 22, 2006 2:03 AM
To :
leetahsar@hotmail.com
Subject :
I'm in Sin!


BOB,
I'm in Sin so pls call me at my sin mobile no 90xxxxxx.
I have lost yr no. I'll be here till Thursday. so call me asap ok.
look forward to seeing you soon.

Regards.

another storm is brewing now.....haahaa...;9)
the clash of the chiobu gf and the beijing teetukong....over ugly like fuck...me...the bo liao piggy!....;9)

WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE NOW??

the bloody teetulauhan at the counter asked us to pay before anything else...it was like $15 per head...unlimited time there....suana, spa...plenty of 'humps', and dunno what.....rooms provided too.....

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO OUR SINKIETOWN NOW?...WHY ALL THE TEETU CAVES PROLIFERATING IN THE HEARTLAND?....WHY???

i looked at joe..joe looked at me...i looked around..and all the teetus around wrapped only in towels looked at me...and my god!! some had big bulges there...i looked at joe again...joe looked back at me....and my sweats poured down this time like a tropical heavy storm!
joe was a good man....he sensed my apprehension and uneasiness....i need to be there with him...if not paiseh as his pal...i never treated him a gay...i treated him more like a normal good pal who visited me all the way from BEIJING....so it wasn't nice to tell him to buzz since he was into this...but not me....;9(
to make things easier, joe advised me if i were uncomfortable...i could go...and precisely what i did...ME SIAM...MAI HUM...MAI HUM..MAI HUM..MAI HUMP!*...
(*courtesy of the clown: MEE SIAM MAI HUM...MAI HUM..MAI HUM...MAI HUM...MAI HUM....his lame ndp speech) http://media34b.libsyn.com/ZndpeJ12bXuYd5Z2mndtq5mllXnH/podcasts/mb/tmbs-060822-a_harmless_podcast.mp3
August 22nd, 2006
the mrbrown show: a harmless podcast
We heard the National Day Rally recently and we were concerned about some of the things that were said. So we listened to it a few times.
Podcast: the mrbrown show 22 August 2006: a harmless podcast (MP3, file size: 3mb, Time: 00:02:10)
i told joe to take care of himself and be careful...play safe and take precaution..and in a jiffy...swoosh!...swissh!...i was at maxwell hawker centre ordering my O AH MEE SUAN...lots of black vinegar please...;9)
and after the makan, i returned home. hence my sweaty tortuous experience was ended.....and i stopped sweating when i was waiting for my bus at the bus stop after walking alleys after alleys to reach it....
no really the end.....more excitement to follow the next day!!
stay tuned....MY INDO CHIOBU GF SUDDENLY POPPED IN THE FOLLOWING MORNING...and my second whammie upheaval began one more time...a double whammie now...cos the teetukong joe wanted me...and so did my horny chiobu choobeebee.....
to be cont'd......

GOD HELPS THIS BLUR PIGGY!!

in the mini teetu cave, they karaoke...my god!! all gay songs by dunno what artistes...about love...about miseries...about broken hearts...about discretion...about ostracisation...about so many unfair treatment the gays were receiving...then about love again...underground love...overhead love...and dunno what silly love.....
other than that...ok lor the songs were melodious and funky..
and then there were billard table...and table with gay couples who kept staring at this fatty piggy....and joe was also staring at this fatty piggy....and shit!...i removed my buddhist beads from my wrist and started rolling my buddhist beads in a frantic silent chanting....
shit!!..that was what exactly happened. SHIT!!...joe needed to go and shit!....so off he hasten to the toilet at the back. i was nervous. now me alone....with all the incessant shooting bak (eye signalling)....mati what was i to do??..
the stylo milo tried to fresh up with me...U NEED ANYTHING, DEAR?....what...what dear??....ER...NO...ER...NO THANK YOU...MAYBE ANOTHER CUP OF WATER WILL DO...
ok dear...here's ur cup of H 2 0...enjoy!....heehee....
what's all the 'heehee' about, huh??
DO CHANTING..AND ROLLING MY BUDDHIST BEADS....haahaa...;9)
funny u know...the teetus saw it..and their gazes turned to each other liao...except me...heng ah!! and joe was like gone for ages...i was getting worried...did he dump me ..and escaped through the back door...as all sort of crazy ideas flooded my mind as to what to do next...joe popped infront of me in the dimly lighted smokey pub table..
it startled me..i thought which bloody faggot just laid his hand on my shoulder...it was joe!! again he gave his charateristic tilt of the head, and we left the pub.
joe was damn happy and pleased with me for bring him there. he told me he just had the best cold icy beer in sinkieland. i though that would be the end of the night's tour...BUT NO!!....proceeded to the 'holy land' called RAW......
there was a wooden deck of wide stairs leading up to the entrace. wow! beautifully landscaped surrounding...
a teetukong was ahead of us and he was at the side perspex windown talking to a teetulanhankoo. BEEP! the secured door auto opened. he went in.
i told joe...DUN U WANNA EAT SOMETHING...THERE IS A VERY NICE HAWKER CENTRE HERE, U KNOW
JOE: no lah!...dun worry bob...we go in and see. if it's like what they had just described...we scramp!....
me went to the perspex window and asked the lau teetu. BEEP!! even before i opened my mouth to talk...and he told me and joe to get in quick.....
here i was now....IN THE TEETU CAVE...the PAN SHI TONG...tang san chan...in the spider spirits cave...what was going to happen hext???
........to be continued.....

THE TEETU CAVE - RAW, PAN SHI TONG

this odd teetu couple was really weird. like as though they just been to RAW...and gave a horrendous description about the place.
the lau teetukong said, "dun go there joe....not worth it!!...full of shits...full of indians...ugly...and stink like fuck!!...all very mabok type!!"
joe's eyes got bigger and stare in amazement!...."go there joe," he pointed just a few steps away. There was a pub with the signatory sign....a signboard of 6 colors were hung there on the high wall.
that one i knew. it was the gay sign....i saw them alot in SAN FRANCISCO...the holy land of the gays....if u see them hanging this sign outside their home...a funny queer banner or anything with 6 colors of the rainbow instead of 7...that home is resided with gays....
soon we departed with the old gay couple...and me was like feeling very concious...WHAT IF SOMEONE SAW ME WITH THIS JOKER NEXT TO ME??...HOW HUH??...ME SURE DIED MAN!!...sure branded .
even as i wrote this, i know after i have finished...some smart alec will start flaming and branding me...BO CHAP!!...dun care...his illusion about me...NOT MY PROBLEM...
I AM CLEAN...CLEAR...AND HAVE NOT DEFILED MY BODY...NOR MY SPIRIT...it's still as clear as the mirror....haahaa....;9)
if u think i m gay...then gay i will be to u....i can't be bother with what goes into ur contorted mind...not my problem....;9)
joe was curious. i was curious too. never seen what it was like. so i agreed to go check it out.
it was a dark narrow staircase. at the entrance, we were greeted by faggots...very guniang type....more girlish than girl...OH MY GOD!!
it was dimly lit. there were tvs from the ceiling...and the whole was quite bare. the bloody faggots were already shooting bak at this poor sweaty piggy...joe looked at him...and beckoned me to leave. we left.
along the way descending the long narrow stairs, my itchy piggy hand picked up one of the brochures, namecards...whatever that were laid at the side of the flight of stairs....
i din see what it was just grabbed..and stuffed them into my back pockets. from there we proceeded to ann siang rd which was a sloppy road. when we reached the peak, there in bright crimson neon lights...RAW...
wow lau!! this joe liked reaching his holy promised land...his eyes lit up brighter than the neon lights infront...and this kaypoh piggy...just had to peep into a pub...and guess what??
a mini teetu cave....and joe followed me to peep inside. he liked it!...oh no!!!...please dun go in...pls no...and yes...we went in....;9(
the silly piggy gong gong went in with him....like i just said, it was a mini teetu cave...and all those teetubengs were there...never expected i invent another new teetu term...
YES...TEETUBENGS...the act tough...act cool bengs...but TEETU STYLE...all men or maybe boys...but all teetus!!
the very chiohunk stylo milo bartender greeted us...presumably another teetukong...and joe was smiling...and me ...the sweats was running like the fountain of venus....haahahaa...;9)
here he went again...buffaloing down his beer....and what a beer...SUPER COLD...BEER!!...and what do i have?...
ER...PLAIN WATER PLS....(it's free...;9)....the stylo milo teetu was so kind...he gave me one with a slice of lemon...wow!!..and ice...and really shiok. after i drank it down, then i realised whether he got add any other things into it or not...haahaa...;9)
....to be continued.....

ONE TEETU IS NOT ENOUGH..AND NEXT COME TWO

From:
BabaEro11
23-Aug 16:41
To:
leetahsar
2153 of 2162

83628.2153 in reply to 83628.2152
you going to let him poke your back RAW ?


From:
leetahsar
23-Aug 17:39
To:
BabaEro11
2154 of 2162

83628.2154 in reply to 83628.2153
RAW UR HEAD!....
after i finish...sure u will be blown out of this world!!...;9)



From:
leetahsar
23-Aug 18:34
To:
leetahsar
2155 of 2162


ONE TEETU IS NOT ENOUGH..AND NEXT COME TWO

by the way....teetujia is a slutty female bitch that becomes a 3rd party...who disintegrates a family unit...
a teetukong is a male gay ...who love poking or being poked...
and me...a lovable goon...blurr like sotong...always nearly being raped by teetujia..and targeted by teetukong...but buddha blesses me...always ended up unscathed!
and my indo chiobu...well..is my chiobu gf from indonesia...one freaking rich girl!...who owns a couple of expensive spas in jarkata!
and back to my weird encounter with this gorgeous mexican teetukong from beijing....;9)
we alighted at chinatown. proceed to ann siang hill. walked through the street that linked to maxwell market hawker centre.
BINGO!!...TEETUKONG...ENCOUNTERING A TEETU COUPLE!! oh my god!!...a weird twist and turn into another pair of teetukongs!
my niagra sweating commenced once more...haahaa...;9)...looked like an impending teetu orgy soon!
joe gave his trademark bear hug again...first with a teetulauhanku...and then the young teetukia...me...what was i suppose to do??
hello..nice to me u...I NEARLY BLURTED OUT: I PRAY FOR U...hahaha...;9)
handshake..and shit!!..the same bloody ticklish with the ring finger handshake!
after all hugging, we settled down....i asked him who was who.....that gay couple was malaysian. one was a really lau...as in lau kok kok lau...a lauhankoo...the other was a very young guy...
and of course this blurcock goon would take them as father and son. and that was what i gong gong commented, "ER....both of u father and son...here on holiday huh??"
both of them was terribly upset and offended. the teetulauhan snapped, "what father and son!!??...." his tone was rather angry. "he's my bf....dun anyhow say, pleassssssse!"..
i pai seh and apologised profusely....joe was laughing his guts out. "u fat arse...u need be seriously fucked!!"...i was so so embarrassed..and sweating like rivers of no return....;9(
.....to be continued...

A WEIRD DATE WITH THE BEIJING TEETUKONG

it was a terribly hot day! by 3pm, the buffet closed. xiao long niu was so gracious to send me home. told me we should do it more often cos she had never enjoyed such a comical meal with anyone except me...haahaa...;9)
ok lor! i told her...so long i m not paying...OK LOR!...call me!....;9)
so freaking hot! the moment home, i showered in cold water which was actually quite warmed by the smothering heat.
finished and about to exit the toilet, the mobile rang. god!!...must be bj ttk....YES! BINGO! joe was on the line.
dressed up and rushed off once again for the next appointment...damn busy, hor?....dunno for what?
next venue: BUGIS JUNCTION. FOUNTAIN DISPLAY AREA.
shit! just bathed only and now the niagra sweat wetted my t-shirt....;9(
there at one corner chatting away in his pda...JOE...gorgeous JOE!!
he saw me. he abruptly hanged up. he approached me...my god!! bear hug!! "BOB!!"...."JOE!!"
like we knew each other for years...hahaha...but it was my first time i met him...seem that we knew each other for years!!...there wasn't any bashfulness...like a meeting of good o' pals....maybe he was pouring his miseries quite often through msn me at night after he finished work.
joe was a gorgeous guy...very very handsome...suave...6 packers..and filthy rich!!...;9)
an accountant working in china. he was mexican and resided in indonesia. was posted to china to handle the company's accounting....wow!! counting money...no joke!...my favourite pastime in my past...hahaha..;9)
"bob, i need alcohol. where can we have a drink?" joe asked. it was a freaking smothering hot day!
"ok, no prob...follow me..." i replied.
we went to the basement of BUGIS JUNCTION where the food court was located...Shit! like couldn't find beer leh? how?...no prob with this goon around...hahaha...;9)
i led him to COLD STORAGE...."there joe, beer!...the whole range of it...cold and cheap...which one u want..i get it for u..." i naively told him.
he looked at me wild eyed. "no...no..bob!...u silly fat arse!" he was liked laughing and irritated at the same time..."i want my beer in a pub...a cool pub...." ok lor! i led him up again to the ground floor and there we entered one.
he being a smoker, we were allocated to only one available table outside the air cond area.
joe was stunt. "why can we have our beer inside?" joe was puzzled and asked the waiter. "sorry, gov policy...and this is the only table for smokers..u cannot sit elsewhere." the waiter was embarrasingly apologetic.
STUPID SINKIE LAW!!...very very stupid!!...joe just couldn't believe...this is sinkieland...hahaha...;9)
so he ordered beer....me was skimming through the menu...sweating like hell...partly from the heat...and partly from the menu prices....;9(
and down.and down...i scrolling...oh good! jasmine tea...$4.50 only...OK!...I HAVE THAT PLS...JASMINE TEA..thank you...
joe was stunt...looked at me with eyes nearly popped out!!...and burst out laughing...JASMINE TEA!!!...BOB ARE U KIDDING??...IN A PUB???...jasmine tea!!!...hahahahaha.....!
beer $10, jasmine tea only $4.50 and came in a big pot!
we chatted and chatted.....ONE MORE BEER PLS!....and my sweat started to flow again...;9(
"so where are u staying here, joe?" i asked.
"oh, a pal was out of town and he let me used his apartment at ROBERTSON QUAY....u must come home with me tonight and keep me company, bob...u r so cute!!.." he gazed at me..hinting again...oh shit!!...my niagra sweat was turned on once more....and i asked for more servettes....haahaa...;9)
"er, when are u leaving then?"
"oh, in about 3 days time...to KL...then to PHUKET...i drop by here purposely to see u bob.....u must sleep with me tonight...."...lusty wink and a horny smirk...
...and my niagra fall of sweat was getting ever more heavier....DING! *lighbulb - idea lah!!*
phuket = tsunami = deaths = ghost= 7TH MONTH GHOSTS FESTIVAL = no nonsense .....yes...got it...*BRIGHT IDEA*
"joe....this month is the HUNGRY GHOSTS FESTIVAL...u see people praying and putting all those offerings...dun bang down any ok...or else...the ghost will follow u home..and it can sleep with u...hahaha..." my scary storytelling...leetahsar ...i never expect my storytelling to come in handy now...haahaha...;p)...." and PHUKET..of all the places u ve to go there...TSUNAMI...deaths...ghosts...spirits....and this months GHOSTS FESTIVALS...more ghosts...u scare now, joe?"
silence. YES HE NOT ONLY SHOCKED...HE WAS REALLY SCARED...and good...no more lusty hinting...I HAD IMPOTENT HIM!...hahaha....;9)
and one more beer..and another...and one more...wah lau eh!! this is water buffalo joe!! ...by the time he got his fixed, it was like 8 bottles of beer later..and that would be like $80 and my tea...$84.50 and a +++...ALMOST $90!!...for beer!!
omigod!!...and god bless me! guess i got to use my PLATINUM CARD this time....;9(
i was about to pull out my shiny PLATINUM AMEX...but joe snatched the bill away from me...and paid cash!
"no bob!! dun pay!...u r retired!!....me pay, ok!!" joe was firm and stern...ok lor!! heng ah!!...and the niagra sweat abruptly stopped flowing..hahaha...;9)
what a guy joe!....i was beginning to like him...LIKE only as a platonic pal..the neck upward not the hip downward...
me monk wannabe ...NO SEX PLS!!....
joe was beginning to hint at me once more...OH..NO, JOE!!...not that kinda look again!
luckily, i did my homework before i met him. "ok, joe," i told him, "i bring u to a place a at ANN SIANG HILL....u have ur fun with whoever there.... IT'S CALLED RAW"
"really, bob...but u must join me..ok" joe hinting at me again....how huh??...quick! code red!! modesty in dire assault now!!...think...think...THINK!!!...;9(
he wanted taxi...i told him why dun we take the bus. can see more things (and delay the time so i could really think!), what?!!...he relunctantly obliged. hopped into a bus and was on our way to CHINATOWN where ANN SIANG HILL was located just behind MAXWELL MARKET...and where RAW WAS LOCATED.
to be continued.....

THE DOUBLE WHAMMIES UPHEAVALS:

THE DOUBLE WHAMMIES UPHEAVALS: ARRIVAL OF CHOOBEEBEE AND BEIJING TEETUKONG ...AT THE SAME TIME!

woe is me!! OR double woes to be more precise!
2 mornings ago, xiao long nu was so pleased i helped her to enrol her daughter into a primary school i once taught...it wasn't my credit actually...it was rather her luck or mine? that her girl was balloted a place...
anyway she was thankful that i involved myself running here and there for her...and so today i was handsomely attired to lunch out buffet with her...HER TREAT of course!
hmmm!...yummy!...roast beef on wagon with mushroom sauce. yum..yum!!...wow! escargots, mussels, salmon, oysters, other sashimi...etc....PIG OUT TIME!!
the whole table itself was by then a mini buffet spread after the to and from so many rounds to collect all my food....YUM YUM!!
and so i dig in!.....dringgg....dringgg...dringg.....my mobile rang.
"hello...yes...yes..." i answered..., "what..what..who..what...joe...china...beijing???...what who..what??" i was stumped. who the hell is joe? ..and what beijing??....
"joe...beijing...msn....u forgot me, BOB!" a very strange accented voice from the other end.
OH SHIT!!...JOE...BEIJING...MSN!!!....that stressed up teetukong who poured his miseries onto me nightly....HOW COME HE IS HERE NOW?...WHEN I M ENJOYING MY SUMPTOUS BUFFET of all the raws???
"ok..ok...joe...," i was sweating already like niagra fall...too excited and too surprisingly unexpected his sudden appearance - NOW!...."ok ....ok i meet u later..can u call me again later about er 5pm?...right...right...ok..ok!" *click*
xiao long nu was looking at me eyes bigger than the black olives in my plate...."u ok, bob?" she could't help asking cos' my table was piled up with sweat soaked servettes...haahaa....;9)....the niagra sweat was still pouring.....
i nodded and gave her a faint smile...and continued supping my food...WHO CARES MAN!!.....food first!...;9)
after the piling up and supping all the food....i started talking cock to the xiao long niu...and my god!!....she was watching me gleefully as i was chomping my food...tearing my roasted drumstick...slurping my raw oysters, mussels, salmon and other jap sashimis...;9)
she couldn't help it. she said, "bob, it such a joy to see u eat (U PIG!).....it makes my appetite so good too...haahaa!!...next time i call u out more often...WE PIG OUT!!".....oh good!!...haahaa...;9)
to be continued....A WEIRD DATE WITH THE BEIJING TEETUKONG

I jumped into the public pool in my BUMS undies!

if u ve stalk my bo liao threads, u should know that i ve joined CALIFORNIA FITNESS CLUB. well, many free gifts u know. one of which is a WORLD CUP DESIGNER BAG which i ve yet to collect. the other was a TANG'S shopping voucher.
goodie!! free shopping. but with only $10 voucher, what could i buy?
off i went the other day to TANG'S. was strolling in the man's dept...nothing at $10 below or near it....;9(
then..yes...a bright spark hit my head!!...UNDERWEARS SECTION sure have one!!...TRUE enough!!...there byford..$9.90 for a pack of 3...renoma 2/pack $8.90...if i got those i would lugi (lose) minimum 10c to $1.10...
then i asked for CALVIN KLEIN...wow lau!!..prices dropped...the lower range one is like $28...the high range $48...the higher range...shit!..forget it!...me only got $10 voucher...haha...;9)
THEN I SAW IT...YES!!...MY BUMS!!!...$16.90 for a set of 3pcs...
then the chiohunk salesguy came. "xcuse me," he started, "need any help?"
"Yes" i opened up a box of BUMS, "what's this funny material huh??...are these swim trunks??"
"hahaa!," he sniggled, " yes...swim trunk materials called MICROFIBRE...very comfy..airy...and now on offer!"
BING BING!! magic word heard...ON OFFER...
"do u think ..ahem...er..ahem..ahem!...can i swim in this and jump into the pool?"...i pai sehly asked.
"hahaha...." louder he laughed...almost bending over...OOps!!..i gotta said this words...pai seh..."yes..hahaha...now that u mentioned it...YES...WHY NOT...haahaahaa!...."
haa haa....i laughed too..so i bought it lor!..3 per pack $16.90..went to the counter and zapped with my platinum card. u know why?...only paid $6.90. i wanna my god of fortune pal to see and shock and ask me why u buy undies again?...undies freak is it???
then i would tell him..and let him laughs until his tummy ache...i bought it so i can jump into the pool in it..haahaa...;9)
n which i did 2 days ago...and nobody knew i was swimming in my undies....haahaa....;9)
so comfy....and when finished...just pulled up my pants..and left...skipped the shower too...so convenient...and it dried up very fast....so shiok!!
maybe i go get a couple more..those psyhedilic colours type...the one i have now is black...and dark brown with bright edge lining...really...IT LOOKS MORE LIKE SWIM TRUNKS than undies...u should go try it too...;9)
B.U.M.S. equipment SPORTS TANGA, MICROFIBRE
$16.90 for a pack of 3

post 11 to 22

HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
13:27
To:
leetahsar
Poll 11 of 22

113169.11 in reply to 113169.10
OK. But make sure you cover yours too 'cos my anal-conda is half blind......he can't tell whose hole is it.

From:
oregon16 (calstate16)
14:45
To:
HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
Poll 12 of 22

113169.12 in reply to 113169.11
half blind because it has only 1 eye?

HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
14:47
To:
oregon16 (calstate16)
Poll 13 of 22

113169.13 in reply to 113169.12
DAMNED!!! you are smart.


From:
oregon16 (calstate16)
14:56
To:
HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
Poll 14 of 22

113169.14 in reply to 113169.13
i can perform surgery and give it a 2nd eye. or 3rd eye if you want to be like er-lang-shen


From:
HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
14:58
To:
oregon16 (calstate16)
Poll 15 of 22

113169.15 in reply to 113169.14
I rather have horn.........

From:
oregon16 (calstate16)
14:59
To:
HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
Poll 16 of 22

113169.16 in reply to 113169.15
horn, can u take the pain?

From:
HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
15:15
To:
oregon16 (calstate16)
Poll 17 of 22

113169.17 in reply to 113169.16
You should ask the hole owner....can they take the pain....hahahaha

From:
:Dotology (LITTLEREDDOT)
15:16
To:
Ennui (kTuLu5) unread
Poll 18 of 22

113169.18 in reply to 113169.1
P A P
:Dotology: do dots flower?


From:
laksa_boy
16:06
To:
Ennui (kTuLu5) unread
Poll 19 of 22

113169.19 in reply to 113169.1
Female boss.
*plays Blondie's 'Call Me' in the background*


From:
laksa_boy
16:08
To:
:Dotology (LITTLEREDDOT)
Poll 20 of 22

113169.20 in reply to 113169.18
The genital, the anus, the mouth, the spirit... all conquered by PAP.


From:
Posse69
17:47
To:
Ennui (kTuLu5) unread
Poll 21 of 22

113169.21 in reply to 113169.1
I wonder who has been deflowered in the rear?


From:
leetahsar
21:00
To:
HardRodCafe (HardRCafe) unread
Poll 22 of 22

113169.22 in reply to 113169.11
if ur anal-conda seeks the wrong hole like mine...i would have to chop it off...mince it..and turn it into gluey anal-conda snake soup...topped with fried crispy wanton skin and garnished with finely shredded pomelo leaves...
hmmm...yum yum!!.........;9)

THE ANAL-CONDA OF HARDRCAFE, my old buddy...

HAVE U BEEN DEFLOWERED BEFORE?

HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
12:38
To:
Ennui (kTuLu5) unread
Poll 3 of 10

113169.3 in reply to 113169.1
In my case.....my right hand.

From:
leetahsar
12:39
To:
Ennui (kTuLu5) unread
Poll 4 of 10

113169.4 in reply to 113169.1
LEETAHSAR...I CUT ALL THE BLOOM FLOWERS AND THE SHY ONES...AND PUT THEM INTO MY VASE NEX TO MY BODHISTTAVA GUAN YIN....;9)
ER...do i deflower so many already??

From:
HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
12:39
To:
LMichael6
Poll 5 of 10

113169.5 in reply to 113169.2
'cos no one dare to admit. It's a shame!


From:
leetahsar
12:41
To:
HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
Poll 6 of 10

113169.6 in reply to 113169.3
poor thing...so ashamed to admit the italian gang of slutty bitchy gloria...orgasmic MO LI AKA ...and of course how can we forget...sumo wrestler FRANCISCO and his anaconda?
.....er..want another orgic round??.....;9)


From:
HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
12:46
To:
leetahsar
Poll 7 of 10

113169.7 in reply to 113169.6
Just to update you about gloria........she's missed my anaconda so much that she actually brought one from brazil. Heard the brazilian anaconda analled Francisco so bad that his voice now sound like those Sinkee Idol female contestants.


From:
leetahsar
12:50
To:
HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
Poll 8 of 10

113169.8 in reply to 113169.7
so ur anaconda now dying to mate with her brazilian anaconda?...can do that to u know...and i will title it...
SLEEPING WITH THE HUGE SNAKE......;9) (ka tua chuar koon!!)
want...want?


From:
HardRodCafe (HardRCafe)
12:54
To:
leetahsar
Poll 9 of 10

113169.9 in reply to 113169.8
My anal-conda only interested in holes between the legs.


From:
leetahsar
12:56
To:
HardRodCafe (HardRCafe) unread
Poll 10 of 10

113169.10 in reply to 113169.9
since u mention about FRANCISCO singing the soprano now..maybe time for ur ANAL-CONDA..to slither his hole between his legs back....;9)

more weird creatures.....

tortoisewolf


crocfrog


an albino sphinx....

DI ZHANG WANG.....the bodhisttava of hell...IF I DON'T GO TO HELL, WHO WILL....?



TEARY...TEARY EYES......
GOODBYE TO DEAR AUNTIE ROSA.....
MAY U REST IN ETERNAL PEACE IN THE FOLDS OF
OUR GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN.....
AMEN!

FAREWELL AUNTIE ROSA....FAREWELL

A CONDOLENCE MESSAGE TO A KIND LAU AUNTIE

yes....she passed away on 22 JULY 2006 at the age of 66.
ROSA...auntie rosa as i remembered her the first time she came to my garden to buy her first pot of plant from me.
it was like 20 yrs ago, me was still had my 6 packers abs..and of course my electric gazing big round eyes...haahaa...;9)
she saw me...she fell "in love" with me...and so i lovingly called her auntie rosa....
when she knew i wanted to wind up my business and go into retirement, she resented my action....and started showering me will all the bo liao compliments....she went to the extent to get business for me to motivate me...
i really was very thankful to her...but all her other pals aunties' business couldn't save my garden which was waiting to be bulldozed anytime by those mean machines parked daily outstide my garden....:(
in the end...what had to go....was gone...;9(....
I LOST MY LOVE...MY GARDEN...AND ALL MY BELOVED PLANTS WHICH I NURTURED FROM A CUTTING....FROM A SINGLE SEED....ALL GONE!....all flattened and buried in the lumpy mud.....*sigh!*
and 20 yrs later, auntie rosa's health started to deteriorate. first it was her faulty heart valve...then the whole heart gradually became defective...then her other vital organs...then ....then...she was dead!
prior to her eternal rest, i was fortunate to have visited her in her lst class ward in TAN TOCK SENG HOSPITAL...
she was already a bit blur...her eyes were already cloudy...all her luscious wavy hair cut botak....
for the first time after the last meal she belanja me years back....i met her again....
my heart ache....she was a very pretty, gorgeous and charming elegant lady...and now in a rut...with tubes probing into her arms...
i didn't know why. it was like she sensed my presence. she opened wearily her eyes...she saw me...and tears started to roll down on her cheeks...
she gave me a fade smile...and beckoned me close to her. she whispered faintly into my ears..
"tua pui....u r finally here..." and tears rolled down more her cheeks, "when i m ok, i will belanja u again....."
and me..well...the niagra falls came down my big gazing eyes without control..without any bashfulness
and shit...so many tissues i used!
so...without hesitation and dunno what motivated me....i removed my power buddhist beads......and wore it around her wrist....and she was so touched...this time she really niagra falls...and she blurted a jerky ..."THANK YOU, tua pui...thank you..."
so i gave her my leetahsar bear hug......
and now hopefully she would have a smooth journey into the other realm where her suffering ended...finally.....
ornitoufo...MAY ETERNAL PEACE AND REST BE WITH HER ETERNALLY.....;9)

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN OF SINKIELAND

a few days ago, out of my msn popped a guy - a down and out tourist guide.
we chatted. i realised the poor man was out of job for more than 6 mths cos his tour agency went bust. and he wasn't paid for his last salary or got any compensation.
Longsu as he was called was a malay muslim. he sent me his pic. he didn't look anything malay...more like jap or chinese. definitely not malay.
he was a very very handsome chiohunk. solid bod. sexy kind of beady japanese kinky eyes. and my god! get this - spoke in mandarin very very fluently and wrote very ariticulated mandarin...
NOW I M VERY INTERESTED IN THIS LONGSU...the down and out tour guide...haahaa....;9)
so i asked him finally how he survived since he was married and with 2 schooling kids some more...he said...haizz very sad and pek chek...and asked me whether i could go out and meet him.
he really needed some one to talk to. OK LOR!...me retired what...plenty of spare time. so off i went to meet him at my queenstown mrt station at about 5 pm.
what ethical guide he was!! chun chun 5pm on the dot, he was there already at the station. from the escalator, i could already sixth sensed him...and true enough, i went straight to the phone and there LONGSU was in macho dark sunglasses....
"LONGSU?!!" u called out the moment i saw a chiohunk stylo milo attired tall solid bod hunk there.
he turned. smiled. removed his shades. my goodness!! one solid handsome hunk man!!. he gave me a very firm handshake. and no..this time no tickling of any other little fingers. a gentleman he was.
i already liked him...heehee...;9)
so we headed to the queenstown library as i promised over the phone i would teach him a thing or two in share market investment. the library had internet service. i also needed to check my end of the day shares transaction.
it was a real hot day. we were sweating like hell!...no problem. anticipated there. from the plastic bag i was carrying, i pulled out a cool POKKA peach tea for him.
he was so surprised!....how cum i knew he needed a drink...haahaa...so i told me...me a 6th senses piggy...;9). of course i got one for myself - a OOLONG POKKA TEA...now u know why i damn blur..and "OOLONG"....;9)
finally we reached the library. logged onto the terminal....and he edged so close to me that i could feel his...er..body heat among other senstive organ poking at my side of my ribs.....
to be cont'd.......

PART 2

After about 15 mins, he was still pressing on me....pretending to be interested. i knew he wasn't listening or paying attending. his juices was at his poker rod on my ribs......;9(
"er...longsu...u dun mind...my ribs like going to be chewed up by ur solid bloodhound...." i hinted to him rather bashfully.
he got my messaged...and bloodhound REVERTed pup status....phew!...
"....so u understand already, long?" i asked.
"dunno lah...bob...forget it lah....me no money to invest too...." he replied rather dejectedly.
"u could make some money for urself...and u dun ve to be mercy to anyone's will u know...LONG?" i encouraged him, "and now my broker firm got promotion. i introduce u in...u get shopping vouchers, me get too...and u dun have to pay a security deposit...me one of their favourite client...been in the market since i was sec 2...."
still, he gave me that dejected expression. ok lor! forget about the whole matter...we started talking about his past tours guiding...
so interesting the places he went....most of the muslim tourist attraction countries like TURKEY, XIN JIANG, MECCA, ...SO ON...
wow!!....wow!! wow!! and the different men especially those really "handsome" ones from TURKEY, he had flings with.....haahaa...;9)
BUT WAIT!!...AREN'T HE MARRIED??!! yes! precisely what i asked him....and this is his story......
...to be cont'd...
bought tickets oledi or not??...bo sen li u know....:(

PART 3

why am i writing in so many colors? cos his stories are so so colourful....here we go...
he married his wife out of convenience and pressure from his family....he told me although he was considered as macholy manly..he was a pure BOTTOM....meaning he loved to be laid.....;9)
oh gosh!! i m really learning alot of words and things and dunno what XXX from the queer world...how interesting!
er...but pls...me still pure as the shiniest moon...the most fragrant lotus from the stinky mud pool it stands out from....;9)...cos me going to be a monk wannabe when the destiny comes.....
he gave his wife 2 very beautiful kids. his wife was chinese. and her undying love for him, she willingly converted to be muslim giving up most food that i would die for...PORK!...char siew, lup cheong, bak pao, bak kut teh, pork chop...etc...'cuse me...drooling now....
so there we have it - a seemingly nice little cosy functional family. father, mother, children....happily doing their own little activities.
and father..my god...is an underground teetukong!
i was asking him how he survived when he was out of work. he said his wife brought in the bacon...but then how?...what about himself ?...how he passed the time??
here he bo pian. and the darkest secret came out....
he got a couple of " boy friends".....HUH??? BFS OF A MARRIED MAN??...and yes his bfs also married men with family...but not local.
he was especially fond of his jap bf....so one fine day, he went to his jap's condo. they er...u know...did those things...
after that the jap gave him money and left for work. to return the kindness, he house clean the jap. did his laundries, cleaned up his place, mopped the floor..etc....
cleared his wardrobe...and at one dim corner...a sparkle was flashing at him....a very bright sparkled....blinking...blinking...blinking......
to be cont'd

YES...IT WAS A BLING BLING!!
what's that u asked?
A ONE CARAT DIAMOND as big as my monster pimple! it was a loose stone.
he picked it up. stared hard at it. kept it and wait for jap bf to return from work which was going to be pretty soon as it was like almost 6pm +....
DING DONG! that must be jap at the door.
daintily he hopped to open it. once the door closed behind them, the loving smooches started......*smacks....smacks...kissess..kissess...sucks..sucks..*....and yucks..and yucks to me!!!
the jap was hot. he was hot. and they kissed. they embraced each other. all hands and legs were so busily entwined with each other.
they were liked doing the sensual samba and pirouetted all the way to the bedroom. by then, a trail of trousers, shirts, tie...and undies were strewn from the hall all the way to the bedroom....and the humping, the moaning, the groaning and wrestling match began...and oomphs..and arrghs...and wooo..and ahhhs...and YES...YES..YES!!
and all silence......
both of the lovers just laid on the bed...still in tight embrace.
LONG then open the small cabinet at his side of the bed. took out a tissue paper. wrapped it. walah!....a sparkling diamond!
the jap's eyes suddenly became very enlarged from a slit...
"where u got that?" jap asked.
"while cleaning ur wardrobe.." long replied.
"wow, it's a $13k belgium diamond A grade i bought for my gf when she was here...and shit!!...she lost it in the wardrobe!!" jap was a bit worked up. he din know his jap gf actually lost his diamond....he was furious. then he smiled. see how dramatic japs can be....;9)
CHOTTO MATTE...CHOTTO MATTE!!! (means WAIT!)
DID WE JUST HEAR THAT JAPS HAVE A YIPPINESE GF????
oh my god!!...i could not stop munching on my satays that i just ordered....my eyes almost popping out as i learnt of this....what a tale to behold!!!..........
to be cont'd.....

PART 4

NOW my hands were very busy. it was such horny exhilarating bedroom stories...one hand was hold a satay and the other hand shakily holding a cup of teh c siew dai....(cream tea with less sugar...hawker language)
i was staring at him....he was eating casually his ornitoufo...i mean his tofu goreng...and me was like mouth agape with the beef satay frozen in mid air....haahaa...;9)
gulped, munched and down the frozed satay...gulped, downed my teh c...and i asked, "BUT U MALAY...AND A MUSLIM MALAY???!!!.....can like that so WILD meh??"
LONG turned solemned. artistically placed down his fork and spoon. mopped his mouth with tissue, looked at me with almost guilty beady jap liked eyes and said," BOB....haizz...i married my present chinese wife out of convenience..." he began.
"my parents pressurised me to get married....I NEVER LIKE WOMEN....(oh my god!).....I LOVE MEN...(oh my goodness!!)....and was already having secret underground flings with my jap bf for many years till now without my wifey knowledge....(oh god save the wifey queen!)..."
"but my wife loves me so much, she even converted herself to MUSLIM.....and we have 2 kids already...in primary school..."
my mouth was wide opened....my eyes were even wider....my jaws nearly dropped!
"er..so how cum u interested in me?" finally i had to ask this very very question i wanted to ask but never dare to ask....
"you??...u cute lah, bob!!" he laughed. "i saw ur face only...i feel so comfortable...and today i was so so pek chek cos my pay with the busted tour agency down the drain lah...not a single cents i could get....and i saw u on net...and asked u out lor...and THANK ALLAH!!...I DID....talking to u made me so much better...thanks bob...u r such an ABANG!....."
now me blushed...haahaa....;9)
u bet we ended up as ABANG & ADEK...the real ones...not those bedfellows A & A, ok...dun think deviated about me...
after our last stick of satays, i walked LONG to the mrt station and we parted. i consoled him and told him not to worry.....every tunnel has a light....and every storm comes a bright shiny day....and take care...and bye bye to him....
me never do that...never done it....only very good at fantasysing it...and using my er...bo liao lame creative writing skills presented it to u all...
u bet LONG will meet me again...and now i fear for his well being...WHAT IF ONE DAY HIS DEEPEST SECRET IS EXPOSED TO HIS WIFEY, WHAT CATASTROPHE WILL FOLLOW???
now i beginning to worry for him....for his wifey..and most - for his 2 kids.......how long can such secret last?....forever?...until the day he dies..and this brokeback underground altered ego life buries with him???
i wonder....and i worry.....ORNITOUFO TO U, LONGSU!!....U REALLY NEED A BIG ORNITOUFO......
the end.
how is it? comment.

some more weirdos....these can be seen...whereas in human, they are deadly insiduous...

..pantherchimp

...eleorang utan
...pussybit
...walruskeet
...penguinger

more than what u think u seen...use this on people, u should know what i mean....

...kangasquirrel

....dogcock

...crocduck

...parrotdog

dogsparrow

LOOK AT THESE PICS...u know why some people dun look like what they appear to be....

A RETRIEAGLE?
ELEPHANDOG
ELEKOALA


clockwise: sparrowfox, parrochameleon

flying croc

MEAN BANKER; FILTHY LAWYER!

then there were lawyer and banker...no wonder they are know as snakes...so slippery cunning and sly...
one banker came to my nursery...asked about plants...wanna to do up his garden. i was eager. new business prospect right?
wrong!!...pure exploitation of the poor from the filthy rich!
drew him a design with detailed planting arrangement and plants names including the quantities required...brought him all over the nurseries to look at the plants...
and later...all of a sudden, quiet down...
one fine day, i passed by his addressed...my god!..guess what the garden was done up according to my design specs...
and me being wasted like a week time for nothing...and my design...HE STOLE IT!...without paying me a single cent!

some years later, a lady lawyer came...and she repeated the same damn thing!!!
and worst, this lady lawyer was recommended by one of my rich pal who's dead father's properties were put in her charge....
god bless my pal!...hope she din sup away all the properties his old man left for me....;9(

From:
max1421
20:11
To:
leetahsar
13 of 18

111186.13 in reply to 111186.12
Thanks for the light-hearted sharing of personal experiences. He who provides a scientific name for plants must have a real love for them. Could we have some common friends, apart from the lovely greens? Are you still in the landscaping business? I thought OTC was at 1 [number of yellow flower] Road. Warmest regards.

From:
leetahsar
20:15
To:
max1421 unread
14 of 18

111186.14 in reply to 111186.13
sorry...got mixed up ..OTC address was KHEAM HOCK RD...a side root from bt timah...nice place...big..and very simple...
very pte person wanted me to suggest a dense screening plant for greater privacy...

From:
leetahsar
20:24
To:
max1421 unread
15 of 18

111186.15 in reply to 111186.13
"BOB....can u pls come to my place immediately...." a voice rang from my handphone. "my hibiscus is shedding leaves...dunno why??...can come now?"
a customer of my who lived in east coast road called, saying her problematic hisbiscus problem.me was then at the foot of mt faber....quite a distance there u know...
being quite free that day, i biah there only to realise she wasn't watering her plants...and not only hibiscus but the rest of the plants are shedding leaves....so bo bian..since i was there, i water for her...took like one hour...
after i left...and it wasn't even my maintenance day....i provided her a twice a month manintenance service....
and after that...THANK U...that's it!...no compromise me with petrol money or what...just a thank u..a cup of plain water...and she meant for me to GET LOST!...;9(

the worst part was my tao chew...or first hand man two timed on me..u know..potong goyong...left him there to do the work...and he went canvassing for new personal contracts around the area....
i din know until that lady customer told me...of course i was furious...he spoilt the market by charging dirt cheapskate cheap...cos he was there doing the work...after finished , he went do all his personal contracts....without my knowledge..:(
and to think i taught him so many things..how to use relevant chemicals for relevant horticultural problems...where to buy those chemicals...and at what price...so on..so forth. see...even the disloyal poor also tekan the hand that fed him...so be it...i was utterly disappointed with him...
he was a young simpleton guy who once grew veggies at the old chua chu kang rd where my 2nd garden were relocated from the demolished MANDAI one and closed by to his...
and a big big basket of veggies he grew after days of tender loving care barely fetched $50...now he just did my contract and per visit he already got $80..and that was only for maybe about an hr plus work...
so many jobs i sub contracted to him...even set up a company for him...so that he will be able to be independent....in fact i had a deeper plan for him...i was eyeing at that time a piece of beautiful land in JB....
when i found out his real insiduous and greedy character...i had 2nd thought...anyway, i was suddenly hit by the CLOB saga and all my coffin money gone...kapooh!...so the deal to seal that piece of beautiful land was ruined....:(
so MAN PROPOSE; HEAVEN DISPOSE...
now i dun plan anymore...i take each day at a time...what come will come...what go...will go...no need to worry...no need to fear...trust in ur own compassion...and everything sure turns out fine...
ornitoufo....;9)....and so I RETIRED!

HE WAS BUT just one of the nasty rich...i dealt with rich people...cos only they live in landed property with gardens...and that's where my expertise come in...
i even done ong teng cheong's house in khean hian rd off bt timah...
he's a modest humble man and owns an lauporka mercz and a honda accord...
and also a daughter of our ex president...very fusspot...i terminated her contract...cos too inquisitive...
do 2 hours gardening works in her house, she would call and ask 3 hours questioning..can die u know this type of people...

no. this is true personal account...there's another one ....
very very rich hkie who owns a big shopping complex downtown.
the wifey engaged me to designed her gardens. they were actually renting a colonial bungalow from PIDEMCO at 5 figures rental...no joke! crazy u know so much money might as well buy one freehold properties...
anyway she bought a pair of monstrous FA CAI SHU...of course, it was me who FA not her.
well Fa cai shu botanical name is called PACHIRA EQUATICA...
and once awhile the bushes can get quite messy. to handle this plant or rather a tree, u have to be ruthless. u must prune the whole canpony hard and way down.
i know the reason, the rich bitch didn't. so one day she asked me to prune the 2 monster pachira.
so according to my expertise, i pruned it botak.
she saw. she shocked. she screamed. she rushed up her room. got a camera snapped the botaked pair of pachiras and threaten to sue me...
me was angry explain to her. din understand blinded by fury...I WANNA SUE U!!...I WANNA SUE!!..
so i told my guys...LET'S PACK AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE....and from there on i terminated this crazy woman's contract...
about the sue part..well, it din come. in a couple of weeks, the trees grew back even more beautiful. she called and asked me to return and continue looking after her garden...sorry!..no way even if she increased my payment...
cos i wasn't sure which day she might go berserk again..and this it won't be suing...she might screamed...U MOLESTED ME...U RAPED ME!!...i will die pain pain....;9(
so it's good luck and goodbye to her. doesn't mean she got money i must work for her...
want other stories how the rich plays the poor??...me got tonnes of it...yes...maybe put it into my pizza shop...
but it won't give u a happy feeling after reading them....

HOW THE FILTY RICH PLAYS THE POOR....ME!

i tell u my weird encounter i had with matas some years back when i was still running my plants business.
a very rich guy called me to come to check on his fallen tree in his house. so an appointment was made. as his place was very very ulu, i was late by half an hour.
on reaching there, i rang the doorbell to the gate. a indonesian maid opened the gate and let me in to inspect on the fallen tree and other trees in his premises that needed to be pruned or chopped off.....
as i was inspecting, in came a mata car and 2 mata kias. they grabbed me and asked me what the hell i was doing here looking around.
i was shocked...i told them the owner requested my presence to check on the fallen tree. i showed them my name card. and they demanded my ic which i gladly gave them.
then i called the bloody freako owner on my mobile. guessed what he said on the phone?
he said he called the matas cos i was late in my appointment. and now he treated me as trespassing his premises. i scolded him U FREAKING CRAZY JERK!
then hung up the phone. i told the mata kias. LOOKED THERE WERE BIG ALSATIANS INSIDE THERE. THEY WERE LOCKED UP. THE MAID ALLOWED ME ENTRY...SO WHAT TRESPASSING???
that hit some senses into the 2 idiotic matas and one of the guy let go of the hold on me. i told them i was going to F off cos this owner was a psycho irritants. the matas agreed. off i drove my trusty pickup...
yes the 2 mata kias apologised to me..and agreed the owner was crazy....and they closed the case.
so u see...rich people when they wanna let u make a few miserable dollars...they make sure they make u make it very very sadistically....
hopefully, one fine bitter stormy night, the rotting monster mango tree can collaspe into this jerk's bedroom with him lying underneath there....
HEAVEN WILL TAKE CARE OF SUCH EVIL RICH PEOPLE....for the bad karmas they sow...just like the paps....wait and see.

my eyes got frosted today in public pool!

From:
cutebayhunk
12-Jul 13:46
To:
leetahsar
30 of 67

110926.30 in reply to 110926.1
the pee in the public pool must've gotten to your eyes.

From:
leetahsar
12-Jul 13:57
To:
¼ÍÏþá° (jixiaolan)
31 of 67

110926.31 in reply to 110926.27
let me continue what happened when i shoot bak with the 2 cutie jap sweetie pies..
the one in orange pokka dots bikini kept giggling at my direction. before i knew it she was wadding towards me...in such sensual manners...aiyoyo....i hoped i didn't add any personal cream into the pool.....
was i excited!! and my anaconda was like steaming the water!
"ah..no neh!....squeeze me...." the first things that was blurted out of her cheery red small pouting lips....
"squeeze u???" i was shocked. my god! aren't jap cuties getting bolder these days!....in enlarged eyes now with more electricity shooting at her..."yes?" i responded...luckily was in the water. she couldn't differentiate the drools from my lips...;9)
"...ah no...er...me yippinies..."
of course i know lah..sweetie pie! u r yippinies...i mean japanese....
"er...ah no neh.....u..er..."
"yes..yes..."
"er...ah no neh...time...." she finally blurted one engrish word.
"oh...yes..me very free...." i replied eagerly..
"er...heehee...sony....niak..niak!"...she stuttered. her gf in lime bright green again pokka dots 2 pcs bikinis....zoomed in...
she was giggling, petitily cupping her wide opened mouth with palm.... "sorri...nas ka...." she interrupted...."time....." she pointed to the big clock at the cafeteria of the pool...
"oh can..can...me very very free....what time?" i eagerly replied.
and both the girls went wild...giggling..and gesticulating among themselves..and blah..blah..blah with each other...
then they turned to me. "ya..ya...what time??"...
"oh any time also can...me very very free..." i smiled back my big piggy smile that vanished my eyes into slit.
"sony...er..sorri...nas ka...." they blushed. " no...nyet...nyet!!..." then they gestured by putting 2 opened palms and bringing them together so that one thumb on left touched the thumb on right...
OH.!..ho!....u mean to ask me what time close...the pool....SHIT!!...me was so embarrassed!...now my turn to blush...and my anaconda was drowned...dead...and reverted to worm!...shit!!
after told them closed at 9.30pm...."arigato...gosen mas de...!" the two cutie pies wadded away...and couldn't stop giggling leaving me standing their like a blown off merpiggy sotong...lost as ever....shit!
so back to my swimming and oogling at the rest of the underwater "mountains"...wow...a cup 36D just floated past....
my god! was i having the whale of my life!...the very first in queenstown swimming pool....haahaa...;9)

From:
leetahsar
12-Jul 13:58
To:
cutebayhunk unread
32 of 67

110926.32 in reply to 110926.30
au contrarie...the masses of "mountains" floating below surfaces nearly popped out my eyes and other "thing"....;9)

From:
¼ÍÏþá° (jixiaolan)
12-Jul 16:28
To:
leetahsar
33 of 67

110926.33 in reply to 110926.31
A nice funny one...thanks!

From:
leetahsar
12-Jul 16:33
To:
¼ÍÏþá° (jixiaolan)
34 of 67

110926.34 in reply to 110926.33
emptiness is form....form is emptiness...
what i thought i saw...was not really what i thought it to be...
it was all an iullusion created in my own lame blain...i allowed my juices to go to my little dickhead...
chui guo..chui guo!

MY EYES WAS FROSTED TODAY IN PUBLIC POOL

itsy bitsy tiny bikini...............

yes...i was having the cheapest thrills of my life. FREE OF CHARGE!
went to the public pool for dip. entered the toilet. gosh! lots of changes. no more opened cubicle type anymore. but fitted with locked door...GOOD!...dun have to be groped by horny teekopeh gays who always sit around on the bench and drools at my moon...:(
after changed into my found recycle trunks, off i went to the pool...something funny leh?...how come the pool like only a few men...but my god...the chiobus flooded the pool...
JACKPOT!!!
so i swam breaststroke...and she swam breaststroke...in opposite direction...my god!!...could have nosebled u know...;9)
and not one..but like about 8 chiobus..young...firm..busty...and in one or two pieces bikinis so tight...alamak!...i m going to have wet dreams tonight liao...haahaa...;9)
san chai..san chai..!...and chui guo..chui guo...to me...ornitoufo.....;(0

me was trying hard to stay underwater doing the breast stroke for as long as i could hold my breath....and soon...another pair of mountains appeared on my left side...
wow!... this one was in 2 pcs orange pokka dot bikinis...i almost forgot to surface to breathe...phew!!!
and soon upon reaching the other ends....my god!!...kuay tui 2 pairs...were in the water...so slender...so fair....alamak...i added my drools to the pool liao...;9)
then i surfaced reaching the other end of the pool....wow!! damn damn sweet ladies...chatting away....i was wearing my power goggles...so thankful to my sister who gave me this...if not i would have missed alot of sweet things....;9)
shit!...goggle all misted! removed and wet it and put it back. realised the girls were looking into my direction...i must have electrocuted them when i removed my goggles to wet....they smiled sweetly at me...of course, me smiled back and gave them a faint salute...
giggled....heehee...so cute!...and both them started swimming in breast stroke again to the other pool end......
of course, the piggy swam too lah...wow lau!!! kar kwuee kwuee...i thought i was coming down with cramp...in my anaconda area...haahaa...;9)
chui guo ....chui guo!....

when i finally reached the far where my pair of merbabes were....i couldn't help myself panting like a merdog....;9)
the pair were giggling..and sending shoot bak signals...wow lau...time to eletrocude them with my gazing electric eyes...yes!!
removed my degreed goggles...shit! blind as a bat!...just shoot bak lor...and soon..yes...very fast kinda of soon...one of them waded towards me.....

let me continue what happened when i shoot bak with the 2 cutie jap sweetie pies..
the one in orange pokka dots bikini kept giggling at my direction. before i knew it she was wadding towards me...in such sensual manners...aiyoyo....i hoped i didn't add any personal cream into the pool.....
was i excited!! and my anaconda was like steaming the water!
"ah..no neh!....squeeze me...." the first things that was blurted out of her cheery red small pouting lips....
"squeeze u???" i was shocked. my god! aren't jap cuties getting bolder these days!....in enlarged eyes now with more electricity shooting at her..."yes?" i responded...luckily was in the water. she couldn't differentiate the drools from my lips...;9)
"...ah no...er...me yippinies..."
of course i know lah..sweetie pie! u r yippinies...i mean japanese....
"er...ah no neh.....u..er..."
"yes..yes..."
"er...ah no neh...time...." she finally blurted one engrish word.
"oh...yes..me very free...." i replied eagerly..
"er...heehee...sony....niak..niak!"...she stuttered. her gf in lime bright green again pokka dots 2 pcs bikinis....zoomed in...
she was giggling, petitily cupping her wide opened mouth with palm.... "sorri...nas ka...." she interrupted...."time....." she pointed to the big clock at the cafeteria of the pool...
"oh can..can...me very very free....what time?" i eagerly replied.
and both the girls went wild...giggling..and gesticulating among themselves..and blah..blah..blah with each other...
then they turned to me. "ya..ya...what time??"...
"oh any time also can...me very very free..." i smiled back my big piggy smile that vanished my eyes into slit.
"sony...er..sorri...nas ka...." they blushed. " no...nyet...nyet!!..." then they gestured by putting 2 opened palms and bringing them together so that one thumb on left touched the thumb on right...
OH.!..ho!....u mean to ask me what time close...the pool....SHIT!!...me was so embarrassed!...now my turn to blush...and my anaconda was drowned...dead...and reverted to worm!...shit!!
after told them closed at 9.30pm...."arigato...gosen mas de...!" the two cutie pies wadded away...and couldn't stop giggling leaving me standing their like a blown off merpiggy sotong...lost as ever....shit!
so back to my swimming and oogling at the rest of the underwater "mountains"...wow...a cup 36D just floated past....
my god! was i having the whale of my life!...the very first in queenstown swimming pool....haahaa...;9)