bj joe, the swallowing atm and the smoking table - 4

this pub was a gem! it was heavily shaded by some tall tecoma grandiflora trees. it faced the river. there was a path where many cute joggers were using the track. wow!! just look at those ang mo mei meis!! wow..wow..wee!!

it was happy hour time. beer was on offer. joe ordered a pitcher of calsberg. i had a jug and joe had the rest of the beer. then the comedy started....

joe to waiter: could i ve a pack of cigarettes?
waiter: yes...what kind do u want? we only have 2 brands: viceroy and dunhill.
joe: huh? how much a pack?
waiter: er...different prices. u want metho, standard or light.
joe, getting impatient: ok, viceroy how much? what's that brand bob? never heard of it before..
waiter: no problem, sir. i bring a pack to u...that would be $10.50
joe: what!! that fucking expensive!!
lts: joe, the gov makes the money from the tax...not them who sells u.
Joe: ok...give me viceroy.
waiter went to get a pack and was back after collecting the cash from joe: sorry, sir....but u cannot smoke here!
i just couldn't contain my laughter any longer and burst out laughing very loudly...hahahaha...!!
joe was really pissed now! : what the fuck!!?? why cannot smoke here? that table is smoking...and that one the guests there are smoking...why i cannot smoke here??!!
waiter, a bit awkard and feeling stupid: er....sorry sir. those there and there ...they can smoke. but this table u cannot...
joe: huh?? what??? ( i thought any moment joe was going to vomit blood!) what the fuck is all this nonsens??
lts: joe, this is singapore with all the stupid rules and law. u better heed his advice or u will get fined...and his restaurant will also be fined.
a dejected joe was totally helpless: ok where can i smoke then?
waiter, pointing towards some high table: over there, sir...
joe: wtf!! there is no chairs to sit!!??
waiter: sorli sir....i go get u a high stool....
and that settle smoking bj joe who was angrily puffing away sitting on the high chair.

i looked a a pathetic joe and could help laughing out again. joe feeling quite silly, laughed too in the end: bob, u got some really fucked up tight ass cuntry here!!

a friendly ozzie who noticed what was going on came up to console joe: ya...this place is really funny....i don't smoke but my wife does....and we shifted from the non smoking table to this smoking after the guests here left. it's funny!!
joe: bob....i m seeing a doctor here to check my heart tomorrow...SERIOUS!!....all these fuckups are giving me a pain in my chest!!!

well, it was a lovely pub with weird rules. we couldn't blame them for we really have tightassed people running the hypocritical gov here.

bj joe, the swallowing atm and the smoking table - 3

we entered HSBC which housed also STARBUCK, up the escalator and soon we approached the receptionist counter. joe asked me to wait for him in the "PRESTIGE ACCOUNTS LOUNGE".

wow! it was really spacious. as i passed by the coffee dispenser, a friendly auntie asked me what drink did i want?
LTS: free is it?
smiling auntie: yes free ( bigger smile)
LTS: ok...er...capuccino can?
auntie: no problem. please take a seat. will be with u in a moment. (more smiles and a bow)

wow!! they really made u feel very 'VIP' and grand!

as i sat on the sofa, i grabbed hold of BUSINESS TIMES and started to read. soon the my kopi capuccino was here. wow! what was there? a HSBC shaped butter cookie! yummy!!
and the capuccino tasted exactly like starbucks!

soon joe had got his personal banking matters settled. he was served his espresso while going through his documents. when he was satisfied, we headed downstair to the atm cos' joe needed to withdraw some cash.

JOE suddenly yelped: HELL!!! fuck!!!
i went to him: what's wrong joe?
joe: the fucking machine swallowed my card!!!

he approached the receptionist stationed there but she was occupied at that moment. joe was pissed!! and that frowns on his face was threatening indeed!
joe: what a fuck is this place!! i was trying to change my PIN and after changing it, i keyed in my new PIN...and the bloody card got swallowed by the fucking atm!!

gosh!! it was first time i heard so many fierce expletives from gorgeous bj joe.

the receptionist noticed how pissed joe was, momemtarily excused herself from her immediate client and attended to joe. she gave joe a slip and told him to return the next day when the card could be retrieved after the bank closed.

well, what to do? we exited the bank and joe was one furious dissatisfied customer. he was brooding and mumbling more to himself then to me...

joe: bob...what a fuck up practice this place have!!
LTS: simmer down joe....relax....coool...coool...c'mon let me buy u a good makan in takashimaya. there is a good dimsum restaurant at B1. let's go to CRYSTAL JADE.
joe: sorry bob...i don't ve much cash now cos that fucking atm swallowed my bloody card!!
lts: joe....don't worry la...i m paying!! c'mon let's go and enjoy our meal. tomorrow u can come again...anyway, they still have to finalise some details with you what...relaxx....and joe, do u need some cash or not? i could lend you first.
joe: it's ok...oh!! a money changer....i go change some spare cash first.

we went there and boy!! how our currency had appreciated. 1000 rmb was only S$195. in the end, joe changed USD100 which was only S$133.

we reached CRYSTAL JADE, placed our order and ate. joe ordered a honeyed pork noodle while i had a stewed beef noodle. he ordered another plate of char siew. then joe asked: could i have egg?
LTS: huh? egg? as in fu rong dan?? (scrambled eggs with chopped char siew and shrimps)
joe: whatever...so long as egg. can i have diet coke.
LTS: fine....i ve puer er tea. ( this one was free flow and for only 80c per person)
in a jiffy, our ordered was served and we dug in.
after the makan, joe was deeply engrossed in his pda on one hand and his local handphone sms-ing on the other. i felt so bored and neglected so i browsed through the receipt.

huh? what was that?? towel?? we didn't use any towel. we used the tissue which i carried with me.
LTS: auntie, how come got towel charges. we didn't use leh.
auntie: oh...sorli...i go deduct from the bill.
lts: thanks (turning to joe) joe!! u damn busy hor!! what am i suppose to do now ...watching u fiddling ur 2 handphones is it?
joe: sorli la, bob....must msg back to beijing....about my instruction...wait a while please for their reponse.
lts: why are u here this time joe? the bank thing is it?
joe: yes...but also to see if there's a post here i could transfer over...i very sick with my bj job...

so we chatted and finally, we decided to drop by a pal's shop which was nearby. unfortunately, he wasn't around so joe and me decided to go back.

it was almost 5.15pm. joe wanted to take the cab. i stopped him.
LTS: joe, don't take the cab. it's very expensive now....it's like $3 surcharge and then 35% additional to the fair. u see the long queue of taxis? no one's taking them this peak period!
joe was quite dejected. he had to be cos i told him i don't pay for cab. and he didn't have much money with him for today.
joe: then how bob? i don't have much smaller change either to take bus.
lts: don't worry la...i pay for u. there is a direct bus from here back to your condo. let's take that.
joe: ok, thanks bob.

soon, we reached miramar hotel. we alighted and crossed over. i thought joe was reutrning to hi condo there. but no. instead he brought me to a nice cosy pub by the river.

bj joe, the swallowing atm and the smoking table - 2

it was the appointed time. joe and i agreed to meet and i was suppose to bring him to dimsum in red star. but it was awfully quiet my handphone. i decided to call him.

the phone rang for quite a while: hello...mmmph...hmmp...hello...who's this?
LTS: JOE!!! u still sleeping!! aiyo! aren't we suppose to have dim sum.
joe: sorli...overslept...i slept at 4am this morning...give me an hour to freshen up i call, ok?

by then it was almost 2.30pm. supposed to accompany him to the bank and banks here usually closed by 3.30pm. i called joe and asked him to wait outside his condo while in the taxi and would be picking him up soon.

there bj joe was waiting as gorgeous as metrosexual as ever!! he was like posing like a model there. the taxi horned him. he saw me inside and hastily hopped in.

LTS: WOW! JOE!! molton brown shower gel is over powering man!! (his shopping list for last trip here)
smiling and pleased, joe: u looking good, bob!
a hug and a firm handshake followed.
LTS: so..are u hungry for dim sum, joe?
joe: no la....i think we gotta go to the bank first, settle my things and then makan after that. ok?
LTS: u r the boss, joe....uncle, please take us to orchard road HSBC.

the taxi passed by the ERP. beep!! soon we reached orchard hsbc. the fare - my goodness!! almost $10!

bj joe, the swallowing atm and the smoking table

ppppp..pp. the handphone beeped with sms that read: HI, I M BACK IN SG....

huh? who the hell was there and back in singapore? the number wasn't listed in my hp's addressbook. i replied: WHO R U? silence. for the rest of the day, it was silent. no beeping of handphone.

midnite. ppppp...pp!! suddenly a reply in my hp: THIS IS JOE. oh my god!! beijing joe was here! replied sms to him: W R U now? silence. not again!!

1.30am. ppppp.....pp!! hp read: IN MY CONDO here la.

i guessed i just gotta call him to check him out....

LTS: hi joe! alamak!! u din id yourself and u only reply until now...susah man you!
joe: sorli la...bz lah. so how are you, old pal?
LTS: ok. and what about u?
joe: me? er...i need u to help me tomorrow to go to the bank....ok or not?
LTS: no problem. u call when u ready to go. u going to pubs again?
joe: no la....tired. i think i sleep after finishing some paperworks. so i see ye tomorrow. g'nite.

hmmm...asking me to the bank?? wow!! he must have brought a fortune with him ;9)