MY GODSON FROM HENAN, CHINA

this is an email sent to me from my newly adopted boy from HENAN, CHINA....very sad...i think i will visit him and see if i could help him....
Dear bob:
I am sorry to you yesterday!!昨天晚上我一直要你那么的等着，都是我不好！对不起！希望你不要生我的气！我不是故意一直不理你的！我爸爸喝醉了，妈妈自己招呼不了爸爸，所以我必须得帮忙！他喝醉了，又不得不管！！唉！！！我没有骗你！相信我！！不要生气！！不要不理我！：（
昨天我本来有个东西要让你看的，可是没看成．我有一个钱包，是牦牛皮做的，藏式的，我想想问问你好看不好看，可是竟被耽误过去了！唉！！我最讨厌我爸爸喝酒了！！真烦人！！
　　好期待你能来啊！我估计７月初的那十几天放假！！呵呵！对了！我还不知道你的生日呢！！下会可要告诉我哦！到时，我也送给你一样礼物！呵呵！好了，不早了！我要睡觉了！拜拜！：）

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　原
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　０６年４月１１日，１１：３４
From china.
he's facing the same problem like me from my jerk lau han koo father...but his is more serious...his old man look like a problematic drunkard and resort to violence when drunk....

poor thing...i go there. he promised me to bring me to HENAN SHAOLIN TEMPLE...maybe i look see there...maybe can robe there...and as a bonus...the monk there can marry and ve kids...and eat meat...and live like any normal guy...SHIOK! U KNOW...

THE BOBBIT HILLBILLIES

Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John.
A poor Ex-Marine with a little fraction gone-

It seems one night after getting with the wife
She Lopped off his Dong with the swipe of a knife

PENIS, That Is.
Clean Cut.
Missed His Nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side
And Lorena's in the car taking Willie for a ride
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend

And tossed him out the window as she came around a bend
CURVE, That is
Tossed the Nub.
In the Shrub.

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
And they called out the hounds just to get his Weenie back

They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there!"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.

FOUND, That Is
By a Fence.
Evidence.

Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a Dick Doc said, "Hey I can fix that dong."
A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need

And the whole world waited 'til they heard that Johnny peed
WHIZZED, That Is
Even Seam,Straight Stream

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape

And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape
VIDEO,
That Is Unexposed.
Case Closed.

Ya'll Sleep on Your Stomachs
Now, Ya Hear......

I NEARLY KENA HEART ATTACK!

last friday, i near kena heart attack!
when the share market on, i blur blur went to buy HSI index. bought 10 lot at 39c. but the bloody market was like half dead.
i q to contra off my HSI at 42c for 5 lot. was thinking later in the afternoon

after my swim, i would sell the remainder 5 lot.
after the market break, i went swimming. about 2 hours later i returned. on the pc...checked trading status...

WAH! damn happy! done...but wait...NOT 5 LOT SOLD...BUT 50 LOT...my god!...I HAD SHORT SELL 40 LOTS!!

leetahsar u stupid blur goon!! how could u hantam another zero into my 5000 share to become 50,000....??

MATI..MATI!...PANIC...HYPERVENTILATING THEN!!!
wait!...my compassionate heart told me...chant....chant the prajnaparamita sutra...so i started my power chanting...and ended with gate gate para gate...para samgate...bodhi survaha....then AMITAHBA BUDDHA SUTRA followed....namo ornitoufo...slowly...the heart calmed down...and the blain was clearer...so i checked next the ratio of BUY/SELL...great! no buyer down on the queue...i hantam BUY 40c x 40 lot.....

soon the prices started to move..DOWNWARDS...20 lot done 40c...another 19 lot done 40c...finally the last one lot done 40c...total DONE 40 LOT @ 40c....

*BEE DTHAN!! let me see how much i made....wow piang! an extra gross profit of $800...add that to my initial gross of $300...it's like i make almost $1100 on friday....

not bad hor?....like kena a 2nd 4D prize leh...hahahaha...;9)
thank you heaven for ur mercifulness on this blur goon king...if not today...sure have to strip and sell my 24K mint arsehole....;9)

just yesterday, sunday, i was give free gardening lessons in my temple. this would be my 4th lesson now. and about 5 new participants joined in....my class was like getting bigger...hahahaha...;9)

yesterday lesson was very funny...i tickled everyone pink with my zany talentime story...this was how it went:

in my younger days, i was already damn garang. i brought my trusty CONGRESS guitar to a chinese talentime audition at rts ( the old mediacorpse name)...i strummed. i sang..

RINGGGGG!! XIE XIE, U CAN F OFF NOW!...can the abrupt reply...;9(...so bo bian i went back...

few months later or was it a year later, it was the english talentime turn...off i went again with my CONGRESS...

strumming and singing with all my heart...my feeling...my emotion...and my power voice...then finished...i was very surprised they allowed me to finish the entire song.

"Huh?....u finished already hah?....ok...thank you...U CAN F OFF NOW..."
SHIT!...more insulting! they were not even listening...haizz!...;9(

oops! side tracked too long...back to my gardening class...
by now everyone was laughing in stitches...hahahaha...;9)

after they had their fill of laughter, back to serious business. i demo how to group and arrange plants in a nice planter.

today i used a very expensive exquisite clear glass holder from SPAIN....it was a shallow bowl with a pedestal stand.

ok...u put the tallest plant that is ur TIAN...then u put in the REN plants...lastly ur DI...and wah la! a nice arrangement. next for the condiments...me piggy so i got a pair of cute piggies and put that infront...add in a water meter so that u don't have to worry when to water...and u can go away for weeks ...no problem...there is water reserve cos the media i used was a special media called SERAMIS....

then just happen i got a hollow pagoda...and that go over the water meter and hide it...so if u wanna check water level, just remove the pagoda..and there u know whether there is water by looking at the indicator...

CLEVER AND NIFFY HOR?
ok...WHO WANTS TO BUY IT??

immediately, dai shi heng loved it...he gave me $50...and insisted that i kept the change...if not he angry...my cost was only like $32 all in...but he said he just loved it...about my goonily novelty of putting piggies and pagoda to hide and camouflage the water indicator...so ok lor...SOLD...FOR $50....;9)

EVERYONE HAPPY WITH MY LESSON...TO MAKE ME EVEN HAPPIEST...!...;9)

*BEE DTHAN : hokkien term for BINGO!!