THE WONDERFUL ZANY LEETAHSAR....

from a pal who registered himself as leetahsar2. his name is ST YONG and is based in suzhou now. this joker told me he could easily sell me off to rich but old mei mei who is desperate for someone like me - A 48K VIRGIN as a husband....what a joker!....

this was what he posted in the forum about me. i m flattered but it's nice to know that there are always many pals behind me....thank you very much guys!....

LEETAHSAR2:

the poor LTS, a good buddy of mine since school days, is now being completely banned in that funny forum. the poor thing! even got his personal forum WORLD OF LEETAHSAR being obliterated!!

the whole bunch of us good buddies were very fortunate to have acquainted with this zany BOB LEETAHSAR. without him, i could have ended my life during the drastic economy downturn. another pal of us KY CHIN also faced the same problem. we were once all high fliers in the electronic sectors with a 5-figures pay.

his story about choo-choo is real! she was the friendliest and one of the prettiest girl in our class. however, her fate was turned into hell when she met and married a bastard known as JOHN.
after marrying him not long, the couple set up their own business. tragedies and misfortunes followed one another....

first, there was a terrible accident. the car driven by John crashed. choochoo lost an eye while john was perfectly ok. due to this misfortune, choochoo claimed quite a substantial insurance monies. gave most of it to john only saving some for her cosmetic surgery to implant a fake eyeball.

she thought john would use the insurance payout to bail out their ailing business venture. instead, he seconded and abruptly disappeared without a trace.

choochoo was devastated!....oh well, u can read the real happening LTS has posted in his blog here.

but he didn't tell about my part of story which i would gladly share with everyone now.

i was once a high flier service engineer with a slightly more than 5-figures pay. was occasionally headhunted. flied around quite often in business class to attend to regional meetings and servicing calls.

suddenly the economic downturn came. my whole world fell apart! i just bought a new condo and change a new luxury car not long. and this just gotta happen!

i was blank off. i fell into depression cos now i was retrenched! i got my new condo and car instalments to service. to aggravate matters, the properties price dropped like an atomic bomb!! such unpredecent whammies i was being hit one after another.

i wanted to end it all...serious! debts..and debts were piling up cos i drown myself in booze zapping with my credit cards.

things changed until i got a surprise call from BOB. i was so pent up with my sorrows. i just poured everything unto him......and he enlightened me...with a simple buddhist phrase:

EMPTINESS IS FORM....FORM IS EMPTINESS.....what we think we are seeing is not really what we are seeing....

those short sweet humble words still runs pristinely in my mind. it wasn't like overnight i overcome such depression. he accompanied me very often. i dun need to call him. i was already very miserable. he came to me instead. i already sold my new car at a terrible loss. however, i couldn't rid my new condo. the losses there and then would be really silly if i were to sell.

BOB was a jack of all trades. whatever jobs u name it, most likely he has tried it. he was once a real estate agent. in the shortest time, he got for me tenants to rent my property. in a way, it really lightened my financial load.

but the best thing that could happen wasn't this. the best thing was: he enlightened my thinking. made me realised my folly of GREED. made me appreciate the things i possessed instead of chasing for more materialistic wealth.

and i admired him greatly!.....this goon lost his garden which he dumped in so much of his time, money and effort....and in the end, it was mercilessly bulldozered! that's not all. he lost almost his entire saving in the CLOB shares. yet he just brushed it off like as though nothing happened.

IS HE CRAZY??.....i asked myself. and this was what he answered me: EMPTINESS IS FORM...FORM IS EMPTINESS....what's yours will be yours; what's not, then forget about it....if it's lost, it's lost....it simply means it isn't yours....

well, that's the very positive and cheery LEETAHSAR the whole gang of 'squatters' (we hate that term he calls us cos most lost their high paying jobs then) look up to him as our LAO TA GE.

he is always there to give a listening ear. if he can help u, he gladly would - which i doubt he really could cos every squatters need only money to solve their immediate problem.

his being there for us to listen to our whinning and trying his zany ways to enlighten us is already a god-given to us.

.....so LEETAHSAR....cheer up!!!.....u got us!! - your good buddies from the secondary school class 4A......:)

BURMESE PRINCE

MY BURMESE PRINCE

this one very very uncanny and weird. totally unexpected!
he's from burma or myanmar, its new name. his name is MIN THEN. i knew him some years back. he worked in a hospital where i landscaped and maintained the garden there.
since then, he already returned to myanmar. now he was back!!....and i got to meet him in my mei ling!! no joke!
it was a lazy sunday. actually everyday is a lazy sunday to me...hahahaha....;9). i went to mei ling for lunch. after a shiok super serving of lor mee which only cost $2, i proceed to the hainanese kopi stall for my teh C siew dai (less sugar).
"boob...!" a voice suddenly rang out behind me. " boob sim!!!...hey!!"
i turned. a handsome chinese looking guy waving frantically at me. "who the hell is this chio idiot??"
he stood up smiling and flashing his gleaming set of teeth. "boob sim!!! min then...min then....u forgot about me??" he called out.
oh shit! no!!! THE BURMESE PRINCE!!!

lts: min then!!...oh yes! i remember. u worked in that hospital i landscaped...right?
min: ya la!...aiyo, why u here?
lts: i stay here what...and why you here?
min: u dunno la....last time i lived here u know...wah lau!...we lived so near and we still dunno!! i went back for a few years. got married. set up business there. my wife asked me come back here to study....then i go back open hotel la.
lts: huh?...open hotel??...u so bloody rich man!!!...can i call u godfather?..hahahaha...
min: aiyo....boob sim, u dunno la...i need a place to rent. i like here cos very convenient to go to my school. i only staying for 6 mths. my course will finish and i go home. u got house to rent or not...
yes i got. but how should i tell him? renting him would be giving extra income to my lauhanku to go and fuck spiders in hatyai. how to answer him??
silly o' me!! brought him home for tea!!!.....;9(
this blurpiggy never learns his lesson!! for sure!!

now my headache start!
he loved my placed - my 2 units pigeonholes. he loved my plants from one end of the corridor right to the doorsteps....and shit!! he loved me!!......;9(
...and that's where my problem commenced.....;9(


min: boob sim, u dunno...i now staying with my other burmese friends in machperson. one room about 8 persons sleeping. very smelly, packed and very hot u know. can rent one room to me...please la....i cannot concentrate my study la....i like clean clean room...not like the one i m staying now.....very sianzzz u know....
he looked at me pathetically. what was i suppose to do?
lts: ok, i ask my parents and see how...i think i ask my old man first? (i knew that would get him work up and maybe so excited he could drop dead!)
yes, it got him very very excited but he didn't drop dead. he blasted his loudest stereo...but still he didn't drop dead.
lts: see min then....u heard the stereo hor...i can't help u la...i ask around for u ok...can or not...give me some time. i go ask around for u.
min was so touched he was closed to tear. he hugged me...oh dear!!!....i just patted him and ensure i would help him.
after some chatting and tea, it was time for him to buzz off to his school for class. we parted.
u think i said said only, right?
WRONG!! i did ask starting from my floor. all the way down...up the block. all the way to the market. to the hawker stalls.
BINGO!!! THERE WAS ONE OLD MAN who was willing to rent out his room.
soon, min then shifted into the old man's pigeonhole...and my troubles began.....;9(

min then was very thankful to me. he was truly grateful...oh shit!! so grateful, he started bring me gifts...my goodness!
first it was burmese fried garlic. hmmm! very nice. ate already plenty of garlic farts...stinky and very durably lasting. mamalee frown cos it was the only natural fresh garlic scented 'air freshener' in the house...hahahaha.....;9)
i told min then to keep all his foodstuffs to himself. he is away from home, he should use it for himself. i do not need them. and he came again. this time with - oh my god!! - deer antler meat or lu rong. this one very powderful aphrodiasic!
mamalee used to double boiled this for my lauhanku. maybe that makes him what he is today: a very good marikita singer...that one in between his legs, i mean. it always standing attention to our national anthem except he 'sings' it regularly to his teetujias or spider spirits in hat yai.....;9(
lts: wow min then!!....this also u got..u take already very horny u know hor??
min: ya la ...i know. why u think my wifey so like me? *mischievous wink at me!*
boob sim, can intro me some girlfriends or not?
lts: huh?...intro what??!!..YOU WANNA DIE IS IT!!...u come to study or come to play with mei meis??
min: aiyo...sorli la...beri lonely sometime u know....*that sulking pathetic expression again*
yes, boob sim...my inlis beri bed...can u teach me??..can..pleassssssssse?
siao liao!!!....how now??...how huh??? am i suppose to be his inlis english

lts: serious or not you?
min then nodded..again that pitiful expression and pouty lips.
lts: ok lor...can! $200 per mth. want?
min: aiyo...alamak...*&"�$#@ (dunno what burmese. could be F words)....dun like that la... *sulk, pout...wink*
lts: ok...$50 ...for u...special...$50...
min: dun want la....
lts: $5....ok...$5
min: umhmmm..boob sim...! umhmmm....
wow lau! trying to get fresh with me?
lts: ok...GO TO HELL!!.....;9(

MIN: sorli ...boob sim...sorli....u see...i dun want wifey to send me more money. i try to get a part time job. if u can help me.....get one for me ..can...can?
see....i m now like his nanny. everything pao ka liao for him....jialat and chum for me....;9(
lts: oh really? can i pimp u off as a gigolo...i get 70% u take 30%...can?...u very cute...can make many many money..hahahaha...;9)
min blushed and flushed with embarrassment.
min: never mind. i go ask my burmese friends. but can teach me inglis or not...pleasssssse..pleassssssse...i clean ur 2 houses free of charge..pleasssssssse...pleasssssssse...
i was at my wit's end: ok...ok...i help u....u dun need to clean my flats...i got maid.
min: thank you, boob sim...( shit!! he hugged me again! i gotta to push him away. maybe i should smack him to remind him � � � � �� ���)
lts: min then! just say thank you, can already...DON'T HUG ME AGAIN!! OK??
instead of being his inlis english teacher, i ended up his personal secretary.
i m suppose to finish all his assignment like YOU R NOW THE GENERAL MANAGER OF A 500 ROOMS 5 STAR HOTEL. THERE ARE MANY COMPLAINTS FR GUESTS. HOW TO RECTIFY THE PROBLEM AND IMPROVE THE HOTEL'S IMAGE and increase business for the hotel.
min then, if i know hor....I WOULD BE THE GM OF THE HOTEL! I WON'T BE WRITING THIS STUPID ASSIGNMENT FOR U!!
but bo bian, i had finished it. he had handed it in. his lecturer said it was fantastic!! he would let me know the grade when the papers are returned to him.
and now, there is another immediate assignment:
YOU R NOW THE SECURITY MANAGER - SAME HOTEL . how do u improve the security and safety of hotel guests without making the guest feeling uncomfortable.
basket how???....who can do this assignment for me???
20 july '07. suppose to hand up this assignment.
me and my kaypohji nature!!!...kek sim!!.....;9(

MIN: sorli ...boob sim...sorli....u see...i dun want wifey to send me more money. i try to get a part time job. if u can help me.....get one for me ..can...can?
see....i m now like his nanny. everything pao ka liao for him....jialat and chum for me....;9(
lts: oh really? can i pimp u off as a gigolo...i get 70% u take 30%...can?...u very cute...can make many many money..hahahaha...;9)
min blushed and flushed with embarrassment.
min: never mind. i go ask my burmese friends. but can teach me inglis or not...pleasssssse..pleassssssse...i clean ur 2 houses free of charge..pleasssssssse...pleasssssssse...
i was at my wit's end: ok...ok...i help u....u dun need to clean my flats...i got maid.
min: thank you, boob sim...( shit!! he hugged me again! i gotta to push him away. maybe i should smack him to remind him � � � � �� ���)
lts: min then! just say thank you, can already...DON'T HUG ME AGAIN!! OK??
instead of being his inlis english teacher, i ended up his personal secretary.
i m suppose to finish all his assignment like YOU R NOW THE GENERAL MANAGER OF A 500 ROOMS 5 STAR HOTEL. THERE ARE MANY COMPLAINTS FR GUESTS. HOW TO RECTIFY THE PROBLEM AND IMPROVE THE HOTEL'S IMAGE and increase business for the hotel.

min then, if i know hor....I WOULD BE THE GM OF THE HOTEL! I WON'T BE WRITING THIS STUPID ASSIGNMENT FOR U!!
but bo bian, i had finished it. he had handed it in. his lecturer said it was fantastic!! he would let me know the grade when the papers are returned to him.
and now, there is another immediate assignment:
YOU R NOW THE SECURITY MANAGER - SAME HOTEL . how do u improve the security and safety of hotel guests without making the guest feeling uncomfortable.
basket how???....who can do this assignment for me???
20 july '07. suppose to hand up this assignment.
me and my kaypohji nature!!!...kek sim!!.....;9(

MIN: sorli ...boob sim...sorli....u see...i dun want wifey to send me more money. i try to get a part time job. if u can help me.....get one for me ..can...can?
see....i m now like his nanny. everything pao ka liao for him....jialat and chum for me....;9(
lts: oh really? can i pimp u off as a gigolo...i get 70% u take 30%...can?...u very cute...can make many many money..hahahaha...;9)
min blushed and flushed with embarrassment.
min: never mind. i go ask my burmese friends. but can teach me inglis or not...pleasssssse..pleassssssse...i clean ur 2 houses free of charge..pleasssssssse...pleasssssssse...
i was at my wit's end: ok...ok...i help u....u dun need to clean my flats...i got maid.
min: thank you, boob sim...( shit!! he hugged me again! i gotta to push him away. maybe i should smack him to remind him � � � � �� ���)
lts: min then! just say thank you, can already...DON'T HUG ME AGAIN!! OK??
instead of being his inlis english teacher, i ended up his personal secretary.
i m suppose to finish all his assignment like YOU R NOW THE GENERAL MANAGER OF A 500 ROOMS 5 STAR HOTEL. THERE ARE MANY COMPLAINTS FR GUESTS. HOW TO RECTIFY THE PROBLEM AND IMPROVE THE HOTEL'S IMAGE and increase business for the hotel.
min then, if i know hor....I WOULD BE THE GM OF THE HOTEL! I WON'T BE WRITING THIS STUPID ASSIGNMENT FOR U!!
but bo bian, i had finished it. he had handed it in. his lecturer said it was fantastic!! he would let me know the grade when the papers are returned to him.
and now, there is another immediate assignment:
YOU R NOW THE SECURITY MANAGER - SAME HOTEL . how do u improve the security and safety of hotel guests without making the guest feeling uncomfortable.
basket how???....who can do this assignment for me???
20 july '07. suppose to hand up this assignment.
me and my kaypohji nature!!!...kek sim!!.....;9(

ringggggggg! my domestic phone rang cos i gave him that cos my hp had no free incoming calls cos i think it was going to be a long...long...long...conversation.
tommy: hi bob! everything's settled for me. we meet at chinatown at about 8pm.
da thum..da thum..da thum....my heart was thumping loud and fast.
who was this joker? how he got my name? where did he get my number?
the more i thought, the better curiosity got hold of me....;9)
i changed and zoomed off to meet him.
i was suppose to meet him at a bus stop infront of PEARL'S CENTRE which is near to outram mrt station.
alighting the bus, i gazed around for this mysterious indo joker.
ppppp...pp. my sms sounded: ARE U HERE?
i looked around. there was one tall guy gazing and shooting bak at me. could that be him? he told me he was like 1.83M and about 78kg. quite a big man like my aiyah dudi jixialan....;9)
i was about to approach that tall guy when suddenly there was a gentle tap on my shoulder behind me......

PART 3

well....it was one of those good makan i hadn't have for a long long time.....;9). sipping in between our SHOU MEI tea, we chatted.
hawker: u know hor lee, reading ur stories is the best de-stressing i can get. laugh n laugh...u damn damn siao, man!! so much better than jack neo's copycat stories. urs all damn oliginal(original) u know....i chinese helicopted (educated)...but hor ...u singlish super powderful leh...and best i can relate all ur happenings..hahahaha....
lts: simi meh??...ledi huh?? (if he had noticed carefully, i was already levitating above my seat!.........;9)
so which on u like best?
hawker: hahahaha...ur ITALIAN GF MONICA...wow lau!! beh tahan!! real one or not? i just almost done with that and everytime i close shop....i on pc to continue ur stories...no joke! 2ooo+....read also can laugh until die!
lts: real one la....there is one part i added alot of seasoning to a HARDRODCAFE's super orgy with bitchy lusty gloria...that one jiao liao fictitious....;9). now very distracting handling clowns la....damn kek sim...those idiots who met me...YOU WON'T END UP AS ONE OF THEM HOR?
hawker: wow hahahaha!!...u damn damn bladi funny leh!! i read only. i dun post la...my ang mor cannot make it. why u think i hawker? but my char kuay teow mo ta teng, ok! (unbeatable)
hmmm...'my char kuay teow mo ta teng', this phrase sounded like some one else who said that before. oh shit!! kelvin thum aka sotong: MY HOKKIEN MEE mo ta teng!!
LTS: really huh? belanja me next time lor....packet one for me...or i visit ur stall, can?
hawker: wow lau!...u visit me...i sure kena 4D!...come, come...i add extra liao for u...my stall is at (censored for privacy).....;9)
oh yes!! i would be meeting him again. i got this strong feeling especially when he starts reading all the gayish xxx+x tales....he might be shocked out of his dingdong or he might be intrigued for more details.
that would be my next claypot sharkfin. i hope....;9)..bian jiak..bian jiak...hahahaha

PART 2

i hurried down the stairs....there! the knight in shiny armor! except this was the humble middle-aged hawker in his shiny golden S320 mercz!!
i remembered a very nice dude forummer whom i met in S280...but hell!!...this is a HAWKER in a S320 class!! the cost of it must be in the region of $300+K.
oh well...might as well hop in and see what he was up to.
hawker: hi, lee
LTS: hi...who's car is this?
hawker: hahahaha...no lah...mine la...why?
LTS: wow...hawker now damn rich hor??
he smiled. formally intro him and continued: u know lee, i just love all ur silly bo liao stories...laugh and laugh...u must print it into a book...
LTS: huh?...really meh? u r the like 5th person who asks me do that u know...u wanna invest or not? u print for me lor..hahaha..
hawker: i think i may...but ur stories damn damn long leh....i read finish ur ITALIAN GF MONICA...and wow lau!!....2000+ to go...hahahaha...anyway, i m reading and laughing like dunno what....
LTS: good lor, that's what my stories are intended for ...and u so lucky... i told myself won't meet any more idiots..i mean jokers from sbf anymore...but u gave me ur hp so i just sms u...and well...we meet.
i suggested AH YAT at turf city. cheap, cosy and friendly captains there who just loved to give me free deserts or fruits platter...;9)
off he zipped in his song song kor jurong golden mercz.....;9)

soon we were at turf city. next moment, we were ushered by vincent to a cosy private dining table.
vincent, the chio hk captain there seem to know him. strange.
LTS: leng chai, u know this my friend here?
vincent: ya la...he always comes here....he's a solid regular!
i was thinking: solid regular?? what the hell he mean by that???
hawker: no la....just come once a while with family to sup their special offer. i think today they got this ALASKAN CRAB on offer. shall we order one and then a bao chi (sharkfin soup whole)?
LTS: huh?...u kidding hor? can we go dutch and dun order so expensive or not...i not very rich u know..
hawker: what u mean?...i m giving u a treat. dun worry lah..hahaha...
LTS: er...better not. after u post in sbf i CHEAT LEECH AND EXPLOIT...i no horse run again....;9(
hawker: oh...u mean that loser who created so many polls about u...hahahaha...i m not he la..what u always call him?..what being fuck??...damn funny hahahaha....
LTS: ya...that idiot and loser....(sulk)
hawker: cheer up man!!....i m not he. dun be so dejected. i order ok..u want any other dishes?
LTS: no...thanks!...too much already.
boy!!! ALASKAN CRAB! special offer $168 each...simply steamed. the texture of those soft silky meat. and the roe...the one the captain chose for us was plumped with roe!!!
next the sharkfin whole...my goodness. in claypot stewed in season ham gravy. POWER MAN!!!...just heavenly!! u eat this simply with a garnish of towgay or bean sprout and some chinese parsley. dribble some red vinegar ...and yes! vincent knew my taste, he had a saucer of shao xin wine standby for me.
heaven!!....i was in heaven!!!....sup..sup...and sup sup!!...;9)
we chatted. soon, as usual, a platter of fruits was complimentarily served to us.
wow!! no joke! today they added taiwanese mango to the platter....;9). usually it was just watermelon, honeydew and papaya. today we got something really extra and expensive. - TAIWANESE MONSTER MANGO!!

ARRIVAL OF BURMESE PRINCE AND OIL LORD

this is just great!!...really a double GREATS!
the arrival of BURMESE PRINCE. not long after that, an oil lord came a calling me!
but let me start this FR with meeting up of a humble but super rich hawker.
guess what?
he read my bo liao stories. PM me and so so keen to meet me. bo bian. he said the magic word: I BELANJA U....he treated me to food...glorious food!!...
and this greedy piggy obliged!...;9)
FR of these 3 very interesting world apart characters ON soon.
standby.
i will keep my stories now here cos no point sharing with those at the main kopitiam.
they wanna read but then all get so emotionally derilious and upset to even deranged. so better play safe and create less hatred ...
ornitoufo.....;9)

THE RICH HUMBLE CHAR KUAY TEOW HAWKER

one day, i was replying all the flamings and flamings...non stop like hundreds and still incoming....;9(
ding ding dong dong....rang my email alert.
an weird email came in.
someone who so keen to meet up with me. he gave me all his full personal details and hp #.
ok lor...a curious pig is as closed to a dead piggy...as usual for this blurpiggy with habits die hard....;9(
set. the appointment was made. i went to meet this mysterious hawker at queenstown mrt.
ringgg...went my handphone.
LTS: yes, HAWKER....where are u?
hawker: can u come to the carpark beside the mrt. my mercz is here #1234, gold color....u will see me inside the car.
wow lau!! did he just tell me he was a char kuay teow hawker??....hawker leh....what the hell was he driving a MERCEDES??
...hmm...my curiosity worms were itching all over my pork chop now. i just couldn't wait to see how he look like....;9)
stay tuned....dun go away.....