a touch of compassion from a reader to this goon sotong

From:
Newshope
20-May 02:36
To:
leetahsar
1782 of 1823

83628.1782 in reply to 83628.1781
your mom sounds like my aunt... maybe because they used to live in Kampong so they talk very loud... also maybe they also very kek sim by their husbands ... so become like that.
mindset and attitude are very difficult things to change... esp if for the older people.
For me, I dont just lun (tolerbate) .. i am hopeful, so I try to "educate" and "show" my parents how to be more gentle, considerate and loving towards the family members. It's hard but never too late to change. I find that although my old parents have love for us and each other but the communciation is very poor.. they dont talk about things, and if they do talk, the moment they open their mouths . it's all blaming words... and finger-pointing. Not good. Sometimes, we think that ..aiya talk to them also they dun understand, but if we never explain to them things, they definitely will never understand. Don't give up on your mom lah..... do you speak to her softly or loudly?
From:
leetahsar
20-May 12:02
To:
Newshope
1783 of 1823

83628.1783 in reply to 83628.1782
usually i treat her as singing her croaky karaoke...until she suay suay hits my dead point, then i snap back at her...which would shut her off...
but do u know she got another jue zhou..another more powerful dead point?
she will wail niagra falls on me...then how?....;9(....lan lan and get out of the house without second thought!!
yes, alot of us singles complain about our parents.....but when it comes to our turn to be....the history repeats....
maybe it's the parents' ways of showing concern, care and love...but sometimes such love presentation can be very very overbearing...don't u think so?
so for us CHILDREN...WE JUST GOT TO LOON...AND LOON...and loon until dunno then will explode...
and for the PARENTS....HAVE A THOUGHT AND SOME RESPECT AND SOME BREATHING SPACE FOR UR BELOVED CHILDREN....thank you!!!......
ornitoufo....;9)

From:
Newshope
20-May 19:40
To:
leetahsar
1784 of 1823

83628.1784 in reply to 83628.1783
Overbearing expression of love? Yes... often times, it happens, esp if the parents still think that their children are kids :) And worse still, if the parent has a dominating character.. or worse still, if the mother scared that her son will turn out to be her terrible husband so she tries to discipline/restraint her son in her own way lor. Many factors why they behave like that.. like upbringning, the people she hangs out with, her family background, her family members... etc<>That's dangerous.. can't you guys talk about things?? COMMUNICATE? But dont talk when everyone is mad, but when things are peaceful? Can don't snap or not? Ummm have you tried holding your tongue and swallow that ball of fire (rooon!), when you're mad.. and until you cool down then you TALK to her again about what went wrong? Try praying when you get mad. Take it as she sing song is one way to handle the problem... another way is "re-educating" which requires alot more patience, love, understanding and giving. Your mom, like every one, needs love and attention still, despite her age lor. It's interesting how we play reverse roles with parents when they grow old. :)It can be rather unhealthy to live with your parents all your life and try to battle wit their control. I have a good friend - pretty for her age, rich and capable. She didnt move out from her family and stay on her own until she was 50 (2 years ago)... oh my, she is now happy enjoying her life, and now some more got a boyfriend leh.. after so long :)
<> Hahaha, is this the JUE ZHAO of men? Then when you come back.... problem still there? What about talk it over and get it done with? well.. perhaps tis mthod will not gain points with men. --------------------------------I got a family problem, perhaps you can give some advice on how I can handle my brother. Accordingly to my family, my brother has been rather unreasonable and harsh with my parents, especially mom. My mom helps him take care of his 2 year old treasure son. when the kid falls down, my bro will be sarcastic to her and blame her for not taking good care. He is also not very close to my sister(married also). He would prioritise his wife's family during Chinese New Year or birthdays or mother's day. So my mom also not very song with him. It saddens and frustrates me everytime I hear complaints on the phone abt what my brother DID again. But I am too far to help soothen the wounds.I suspect the key to the problem are:1) TERRIBLE attitude, jealousy by my brother and absolutely WRONG PROIRITIES2) VERY poor communication between bro and family members3) Lots of speculationsoh dear I am getting more lor sor like you.. i better end here. I tried to reach out to my brother, but he always pretend everything is PLEASANT when I come home...


From:
leetahsar
20-May 20:14
To:
Newshope
1785 of 1823

83628.1785 in reply to 83628.1784
actually everything appears very simple to me u know...i m retired now. there's no distraction. when i meditate, my mind is so clear it can be scary..IT'S LIKE UNREAL....
i sense things before it happens...would u believe it?
ok back to u and ur problematic brother...
u already mention his 2yr old son is a treasure to him...if a ceramic is treasure to u and say, if ur mum chipped it, how would u feel?...u entrusted to ur mum...and she chipped it...
and now..it's not ceramic. it's ur brother flesh and blood, of course he's very upset what...!
what ur brother DID...is just a hearsay from u from those who complain against him. HAVE U WITNESS HIS WRONG DOING PERSONALLY?
the person(s) who complain do not means he/they are always right...take my mum for example. she bangs down my cacti dish garden which took me hours to create...I SHOULD BE THE ONE ANGRY...instead she was the one who radioed me...and complained me to all my sisters....
luckily, my sisters are righteous girls...they understood. they kept quiet cos' mum was the one at fault....if they tried to pacify with her, she would be further sadden...and then things could be worst...we understood...so we all SHUDDUP...IT'S A VERY SISTERLY/BROTHERLY MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING AMONG US.....maybe my pscyhic projection onto them, they received and understood....haahaa...;9)
u cannot take sides until u witness personally what transpired between ur brother and the rest of the family members...unfair to ur brother....u hear only from one side, the other side, ur brother is silence...
AND SILENCE DOESN'T MEAN HE'S IN THE WRONG...maybe he keeps quiet to avoid further misunderstanding....feel with ur compassionate heart...u will understand...
just like i keep slience...doesn't mean i admitted my fault...just that i dun want to provide the foolishness of my mum....GIVE WAY..IS THE BEST TO DETER A DIRECTION CONFRONTATION...
IN A FIGHT, THE PERSON WHO WITHDRAWS IS ACTUALLY THE STRONGER FIGHTER AND NOT THE COWARD.....
think and u should understand what i mean....ornitoufo...
dun hv to worry for me....cos...my family domestic upheavals are like pang sai to me.....so use to it liao.....LOVE, LOON(TOLERANCE), AND COMPASSION.....will help me to overcome all these nonsenses ....SO BE IT...ornitoufo....;9)

From:
Newshope
20-May 20:53
To:
leetahsar
1786 of 1823

83628.1786 in reply to 83628.1785
I know... you many people not to worry for you liao.. and I'm not lor. I was just raising various perspectives that's all and hope you won't get offended by my lor sor ness. I believe you may have already considered some of the options I raised. Good to know that you've reached a meditation state that gives u the peace.As always, I am cautious not to take sides or make judgement just based on hearsay .... pretty related to my profession. :)It always takes two to tango.. and I know the weaknesses of my parents that may aggravate the situation. For one, my mom does not know how to stand up for herself and most of her kids bully her, and they learnt it from their father. I know my brother since I was born :)) hehe.... He is not SILENT and he DOES not WITHDRAW. Of course I would not expect you to see the whole picture just from a post of coupla sentences from me. Even I don't have the whole picture. Hmmm... when the time comes, is the time to sort things out. Alas, let me not continue with this. thanks for your time.