ok, so much for the jokes....now back to the story.....
i learnt from lau huay that i really got a reincarnated tang po hu - u know the tang period cassanova - actually staying next door in the form of LAU HAN KOO. My god. i thought he was a simple old chap waiting to hit the coffin planks. how wrong was i! this is the man, yes the MAN OF THE BLOCK....the super old super deadly charged bloodhound...HRC, r u hearing this?
lau huay said every beginning of the month, her 4 married children would gave her allowances to pay for their livelihood. none of the children are staying with them. but han koo would take all the money and goes to haaydai where he breeds a brood of cheena mei-mei who r the reincarnations of the thirsty semen sucking spider spirits. gosh! with every revelations pouring out of lau huay, my eyeballs expanded a little. i got to blink if not they would explode any moment.
"now all of a sudden, he is forcing me to sell the flat." lau huay continued crying her hearts out.
"sorry auntie huay, no wonder yesterday i was in the same lift as han koo, his yun chi is not very good....", i told her. "It was like he's being possessed or something like kenna hex like that...."
"Huh, li kong simi? (what talk u?)" lau huay eyes brighten up and mouth agape widely.
"not to scare u auntie," i explained to her. "did ur husband bring back anything from his last trip there?"
"Ya, ya...he wears a few funny amulets and some stupid cheena shirts, dun know where he buys them...so ugly." she revealed.
"Can i see them...the amulets and the shirts?" i asked lau huay. she led me to her bedroom, opened the wardrobe and there the evil manifestation .....the amulets and the cheena shirts. the evil aura i sensed it. really i do. no pray pray hor....
"OK, auntie.....the amulets are evil and so are the shirts....the shirts are like the spider web. when han koo puts on, he'll be controlled through the amulets...u know like a remote controlled car..." i explained diligently to the mouth agape, eyes almost poppped out lau huay.

"aiyoo, c lah! c lah! what am i going to do?" oops! i panic lau huay. die now i asked for it! again crack eggs and finish frying it...very kaypoh u leetahsar!
"OK, auntie, calm down, calm down!" i told her almost giving her a tight slap as she was almost jumping up and down like a horny little girl. "this is what u do...." i continued, " No.1, besides these things, any other things he brought back....food, titbits....anything edible?"
"Ya, ya.... he brought back those funny looking biscuits and told me it's damn delicious and those funny looking tea leaves which he drinks everyday....." auntie replied.
"oh dear, auntie! this is no good! this is terrible!' i remarked.
"HUH HUH, mine kia wah leh! (don't scare me)" lau huay now in super shock.
"pls don't touch those things and don't think of ever eating them....they are HEXED!" i revealed to her. "How what am i going to do? tah sar, u must help me,,,boohoobooohoohoo..." there she goes again - her 2 streams of niagra waterfall.....
"auntie, if u don't mine....i do a peace chanting for u first," i asked her, " then i do a guan yin chant on these objects... it just to tone down the evil...it won't rid it as han koo already consumed those poisons....the biscuits n the tea...is it ok with u?" she nodded and thanked me gratefully. so i started my chanting....hom mani padme om....
after i finished, auntie heaved a sigh of relief. "Something wrong auntie?" i asked. "No tah sar," she replied, "i've never thought u were a buddhist...u were like laughing everyday...no worries, no sadness...i m very surpised and lucky to ve a neighbour like u." she was grateful:). "i suddenly have this sense of peacefulness in me...just now i was almost hopping up n down...now it's like my mind is clearer..."
"that's good auntie...means that my chantings are working its effect.." i continued, "it's not really finished, auntie. u ve to do something urself. when han koo is not around, u gotta bring this 2 shirts or if he leaves his amulets around....bring everything to the temple and pray over the incense. u ve to pray infront of the compassionate guan yin sincerely and diligently...if there is holy water there, sprinkle some over those things... it would help to neutralise the evil effect and han koo may come back to his senses," i taught her.
well, whether it works or not....i myself is waiting to see....boring or not? want to continue further or not? now ur turn to let me know.....
knock, knock, knock......goodness! who can that be at the door....8a.m. hadn't slept enought, leh...sheepishly, i rolled out of my bed and opened the door. It was lau huay, gosh, it was early and my bloodhound was still alerted and well, u know the morning "mari kita"... embarrassed, i opened the door half way to hide the jutting bloodhound. "ya, auntie, what's up?" shit! did i just blurted out the "up" word. my big round eyes were still in a half slit.
"thank you, tah sar...thank u for what u did yesterday and the things u taught me," lau huay was really fresh this morning and flashed her toothy dentured smile. "after u told me what to do, i immediately took all those evil infested shirts and amulets to pray in a guan yin temple...." "Oh! is it?" i interrupted.
"Ya, and i think it really works! i think it went into overdrive...no joke, so powerful!" she started to blush. i was curious as to what really happened. "well, the same night, my lau han humps me really good....i never felt like a real woman before....yesterday night was like heaven to me...." again she flashed her million dollars smile again. my goodness! lau huay, i do hope u have enough, hor and don't come here to tempt me...i good monk to be...hell my bloodhoud is now pumping...."auntie huay, anything else...i want to go back and sleep," i yawned.
"oh, oh, sorri, tahsar....i made u some frog legs congee for ur breakfast." she held up a container. what? did i just heard food?!suddenly i was alerted and now my turn to flash my million dollar smile.
so far so good....case is almost settled but really far from fully settled. I got a funny feeling this episode is going to repeat sooner than i finished slurping my mummmm yummy frog legs congee.